Wonderful Colorado man throws $500,000 worth of gold away just to piss off his wife

Wonderful Colorado man throws $500,000 worth of gold away just to piss off his wife

VicesOctober 29, 2013

Earl Ray Jones of Divide, CO is living, breathing proof that Coloradans are the smartest, coolest, best at getting divorced. Here he is, probably holding up an award plaque for "Cleverest Guy Ever of the Year."

Back in May, when he was ordered to pay his wife, April, $3,000 a month in alimony, he did what anyone who grew up in the rugged wilderness of Colorado would do: he converted his entire life savings ($500K) into useless pioneer currency, also known as gold coins, to avoid having to pay his wife anything in their divorce settlement. That'll be $500,000 worth of gold, coming right up! 

Then, you know what happened? He just, well, threw it out. In the trash. All 22 lbs. of it. Gone. Take that, wife.

"We say that when people are divorcing, they enter a state of temporary insanity," April Jones' lawyer John-Paul Lyle told the Colorado Springs Gazette. "But on a scale of 1 to 10, this is my 10." Did you hear that, Earl? You win! A perfect 10, for a perfect person.

However, Earl being a scrappy, wiley Coloradan and all, it's entirely possible that he made up the story about throwing the gold out, and actually has it hidden somewhere, probably in a bear cave or something. There were no witnesses to such gold disposal, no garbage-men suddenly "retired" out of the blue," and so far no one's found a single gold coin. What's more, Earl claims he "forgot" where he threw it out. You sneaky bastard, you! COLORADO!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how to win a divorce.

Here's where Earl's fortune may or may not be buried. Ha ha, what a maniacal genius.