You outta panties, girl? R. Kelly's got you covered.

You outta panties, girl? R. Kelly's got you covered.

CultureNovember 21, 2013

R. Kelly is about to put Victoria's Secret out of business with his revolutionary gift to all women and cross-dressing men: a free pair of lacy black panties that comes with his new CD, Black Panties.

Why should your ears be the only thing infiltrated by the sweet sounds of R. Kelly? Now your ass crack can be penetrated by the rough lace of his signature panties, too. It's a complete, whole body R. Kelly experience. And, as Mr. Kelly says himself, "Kellz is dropping Black Panties. No reason you shouldn't be, too." That's right ladies and adventurous gentlemen, the moment you put on these panties, you're going to immediately want to drop them. After all, his album does have a jingle called "Show Ya Pussy," so do what the man says. He did just give you a free pair of underwear.

Other notable tracks you can dance in your new underwear to include "Crazy Sex," "Shut Up," and  "Marry The Pussy," which comes logically after the aforementioned "Show Ya Pussy." Call us crazy, but we think that R. Kelly is trying to tell us that he still enjoys sex. Very much so.

Oh, R. Kelly! Clothier of Naked Butts! Savior of the Skin! Beautifier of the Booty! Thank you for blessing our ears and butts with your gift of music and underwear-shaped polyester. We'll just go ahead and put them "In The Closet" now.