She just really gets us.

If you've ever had the earth-shattering realization that a spider has somehow crawled from the depths of hell onto your body, you know that terror kicks in before logic does. Your body flails with the intensity of a thousand hurricanes to get that little fucker off of you … even if that means jumping from a moving vehicle with your 9-year-old son still inside?

Hellooo, Angela Kipp, the very woman who did just that …

Ms. Kipp, a 35-year-old Syracuse, Ind. resident, discovered a demon spider on her shoulder as she was backing out of her driveway and simply FUCKING COULD NOT. Screaming, she leapt from the moving vehicle as it was rolling down the driveway. And scene.

The problem is, her 9-year-old son sat in the backseat. Upon witnessing this abandonment, the resourceful young lad took matters into his own hands and climbed into the front seat in an attempt to hit the brakes. Except, since the boy hasn't even reached double digits yet and has no prior driving experience, he hit the gas instead, sending the car crashing into an oncoming (empty) school bus. He was taken to the hospital with minor head injuries.

We like to imagine the phone call between his parents going something like this:

“But honey it was a fucking spider. With nine legs!”
“Eight legs Angela, I’m on the way.”
“Wait, wait. Can you bring me a Pumpkin Spice latte?”

This child will either have a very merry Christmas this year, or a soon to be divorced home. Or both. Either way … worth it.
   
It’s easy to judge Angela for putting her child in danger, but listen everyone, spiders are fucking terrifying. From the little information we have available about this incident, we don’t know the size of this spider, the color, the type, it's average ground speed, or whether or not it had been out trying to kill other innocent people that day. We didn’t stare face to face into its menacing, lifeless eyes, now did we?

So on behalf of all the naysayers, spider enthusiasts, and child advocacy groups … we would have jumped too. And the kid was fine. Fine! He'll get over it in court-appointed therapy.