Last month, the Denver Airport launched a gift card drive in an effort to help out Transportation Security Administration (TSA) employees working without pay. The worst part? We can’t even make a joke about living wages and guillotines without getting put on the no-fly list, which seems unfair, but we digress.

According to an article from 9News, DIA said it was looking for gas and grocery store gift cards in denominations of $10 and $20, and added that Visa gift cards can’t be accepted. Personally, we think that’s fucked up. For an entire working group of people whose job is to, essentially, bust our balls over liquid limits before hearing us shout, “Dinner and a movie first, pal!” while they run the back of their gloved hand over our groin, we’d like to think that the airport would want their employees given compensation regardless. If that employee wants to take a Visa gift card and spend it on Ketamine via the dark web, you know what? More power to ‘em.

Since DIA asked for gift card donations, it appears that TSA employees have started to receive backpay, but we still can’t shake the feeling that there’s no amount of backpay that would make us able to work a TSA job. Have you ever seen a TSA employee smile? No? That’s because they can’t. If they do, they’re taken out onto the tarmac with a bag over their face and thrown into a jet turbine. That may not sound true to you, but trust us, we heard it from a reliable source before they were turned into confetti by a Airbus A320  that had the Frontier Arctic Fox on the back.