Two men from Colorado stand accused of attempting to use a cannon to launch contraband into a prison in Louisiana, and based on our long and intensive upbringing that mainly consisted of Wile E. Coyote cartoons, we don’t see why that isn’t completely feasible.

According to an article from KKTV, the two men, both in their late teens and from Greeley, Colorado, were going to use a compressed air cannon to launch meth and tobacco 350 feet into the air and over the fence of a Grant Parish federal prison.

Again, if you spent the entirety of your youth being raised by Cartoon Network instead of America’s failing education system, this sounds 100 percent doable.

Authorities claimed that the men had around $90,000 worth of meth when caught, along with $112,000 worth of tobacco. In a world where nicotine excise taxes have ruined us financially with our cancerous pursuits, we’d really like to stress to our un-addicted readers: $112,000 worth of tobacco is like, eight packs of cigarettes, or maybe four packs of American Spirits.

Studies Show Human Intelligence Sharply Declining.

In a completely unsurprising turn of events that will have you saying, “Yeah, I figured,” recent studies and assessments show that human intelligence is sharply declining.

Personally, we’re all for it. Lately we’ve really dropped the ball coming in late with our articles by deadline, and we’re beginning to suspect our editor isn’t buying our go-to excuse of “Sorry, we forgot how to read.” An article from Futurism explains that, regardless of age groups, various assessments point to people having trouble concentrating and losing problem-solving, reasoning, and information-processing skills. We’re not surprised either. While trying to write this sentence, we went down a Wikipedia hole, watched a few car crash reels on Instagram, and lowballed a man in La Junta on Facebook Marketplace for his 1978 SS Camaro.