If I wanted to be a music producer, what classes should I take in college? 

I’m sure you are expecting me to say something like Music Theory, or Audio Production classes but that would be a waste. Whatever you learn in school will be obsolete by the time you get out of college. Look how much everything has changed just in the last 4 years? As a college graduate, nothing pains me more than spilling the truth that school is a complete waste of time and money and you shouldn’t go. But if you are already enrolled or your parents are forcing you, then here are some helpful classes to take.

Social Media Marketing: No one is going to know how super cool your Mac Miller flip is if they don’t see a video of you forcing it on strangers in a Whole Foods parking lot. Maybe this class will help you crack the algorithm!

Gymnastics: Want to learn how to jump off the DJ table like Levity without blowing your ACL? I think that’s gymnastics right? Couldn’t hurt.

Mandarin: Learning to speak the Chinese language will have lots of benefits. For one, it will help you negotiate your overseas wholesale Pashmina orders, and with a population of 1.4 billion people, maybe you can get a couple of them to check out your shitty Mac Miller flip.

Gender Studies: Here you will learn a lot about how to treat people with care and respect so that you don’t end up like Bassnectar. And if you are worrying about him suing me for saying that, don’t. This is an article about college classes, and I heard he only reads at a high school level.

Woodworking: So that in your spare time you can manufacture Kendamas that can be traded for food, while you wait for the money to roll in from your absolutely garbage Mac Miller flip. 

What’s the best part-time job for an aspiring DJ in Denver? 

I’m not sure which is the best, but I can tell you what is the most common and that’s working at a dispensary. When your two skills in life are smoking weed and haunting nightclubs, working at a dispensary offers you the most perks. At one point you could even find me working at a dispensary alongside 34 other dubstep DJs. Shout out Anthony Butler at Starbuds for hiring half of Lost Lands during Covid! But there might be a couple jobs in Denver that would align you with your music dreams even more. Maybe working at Mile High DJ Supply? You would get to talk to other aspiring DJs all day while sipping Yerbas and you could probably get away with practicing at work! 

Or you could be a middle school teacher? Teachers have nights and weekends off and are free all summer to go to festivals. And as an added bonus, your students can clue you in on what the next cool TikTok trend is to turn into a riddim track.