It's time America found a new, less self-absorbed sweetheart …
Because the Grammy committee is a group of middle school girls at Limited Too trying to decide whether to decorate their yearbooks with glitter or stick-on-jewels, privileged white lady Taylor Swift won blah blah blah for something or other at the Grammys this year. Again.
During her acceptance speech, she made a prissy, defensive statement against Kanye West's claim that he "made her famous," saying something along the lines of "I'm not famous because of you, Kanye. I'm famous because I am a tall, thin blonde with a team of 47 writers and publicists who help tailor my image and sound to make the most money off of America's top-of-the-bell-curve sensibilities. Also because dentist offices and Yankee Candle Company bump my jams!" (Read her whole speech here).
Of course that's not verbatim or anything, but a deeper look through the bronzed veneer that is T-Swift reveals that her attempt at an inspiring, "brush off the haters" speech was nothing more than a canned response. What's inspirational about a woman who takes total credit for her fame, and uses her 15 seconds of Grammy acceptance speech TV time to even acknowledge the Kanye drama that surrounds her? There are bigger, better things to speak about other than petty interpersonal bullshit or how great you are … but T-Swift wouldn't know that because she is, as we've mentioned, a vapid, self-absorbed poopy-face. A poopy-face who, frankly, is rapidly losing adulation for just these reasons.
America: it's time to find a new idol.
We need icons and role models who look like real people and who make real music on their own. As a society, we're light years beyond the point of idolizing Barbie-esque human marionettes whose songs go about as deep as a micropenis with whiskey dick. It's time we look for actual stories of inspiration … for example, ANOHNI, who is the first transgender artist ever nominated for an Oscar, or even the fucking Weeknd, who has more songs on the Grammy's precious Top 40 than Taylor Swift sings about actual, raw things that go beyond the realm of "we're never getting back together!"
So, in honor of that epic anti-Taylor Swift rant, here are 10 things we find much more inspiring than her. Scroll through, then find a real human to look up to.
1. This ball
2. This baguette
3. I don't know what this is but I like it
4. This tense scene between two enemies coming together for peace or war
5. This man's ability to use glue
6. This fantasy
7. This very absorbent bathroom floor
8. A carrot, because though it is inanimate and full of Vitamin A, it still writes better songs
9. This actual moment of inspiration
10. This ocean guy who's not afraid to put himself out there
… We could go on. Really, Google "random object," pick a random object from the results, and we guarantee whatever you're looking at has greater depth and more potential for inspiration than Taylor Swift. And writes better songs about dating Jake Gyllenhal.
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