Love being naked, battling zombies or playing Magic the Gathering? These are for you …
Great news, incoming freshmen: College costs are now rising faster than government assistance can cover them. Which means not only are you still going to walk out of higher education with staggering debt, but that financial hole isn't going to cover all of your bills for four years, either. What a great lesson for you to learn early about how the real world screws each and every one of us!
But there are ways to lighten the load a bit, in the form of scholarships — you know, those things your guidance counselor told everyone about then laughed because only smart kids and athletes get them? Turns out, they couldn't be more wrong. From zombie preparers to aspiring clowns, to people who love being nude, there's aid out there for damn near everyone.
Students, you too can get financial help for:
The Frederick and Mary F. Beckley Left-Handed Scholarship is reserved for those 1 out of 17 types who find themselves afflicted with the crippling social disease of being left-handed. Worth anywhere from $1,000 – $1,500 each year at Juniata College in Pennsylvania, the scholarship administrators admit they don’t even really check for validity: “We don't even check closely when they are signing the forms," says Randy Rennell, Juniata's director of student financial planning.
Having a zombie strategy
Ever spend too much time daydreaming what you’d do if zombies ever infiltrated your crappy school? A short, 250 word response on how you’d react and what five things you’d bring along to survive could net you a solid $2k in funds to pay for classes you probably won’t be paying attention in anyway. I’d let the zombies eat me and consume every part of what I am because the world doesn’t exist and we’re all just proven to be stardust, isn’t likely the answer they’re looking for, but it’s a start.
Mastering Magic the Gathering
Is Magic the Gathering such a part of your being that you’ve been shaped and groomed by it to be the well-rounded person you are today? You’re in luck, because all those hours spent in your parents’ basement without learning how to make-out with another individual are finally paying off — to the tune of $5,000. You might be teased exponentially about your preferred craft come move-in day, but you’ve got 5k and they don’t. Who's #winning now?
Being a clown
Pay no attention to the mass hysteria blowing completely out of proportion right now in the media about clowns and their creepy dispositions. Clown colleges are still around, and want to provide aspiring performers to carry on the tradition. All you have to do is be a part of a clown club for a year and pay your dues as an understudy. Then apply, reap the benefits, and spend the rest of your life explaining to your neighbors that you’re not going to kill them and you’re also great with kids.
Go on, be “that person” and apply for a vegetarian scholarship. If you’ve annoyed all of your friends with the gospel of being meat-free or have promoted vegetarianism in schools and/or communities, you’re eligible for The Vegetarian Resource Group’s $5,000 – $10,000 school scholarship. Per its site: “Applicants will be judged on having shown compassion, courage, and a strong commitment to promoting a peaceful world through a vegetarian diet/lifestyle.” For that kind of cash, anything’s bearable.
Being really tall
Do you figure out it’s raining far before anyone else in your crew? You may be eligible for the Tall Clubs International scholarship. All you have to do is write an essay about what being tall means to you, and you might cruise into first semester with $1,000 more than what you had before. But you still pay more for jeans, so here’s your way to break even.
Wearing a duct tape prom dress
Have a stitch of creativity inside of you and want to hit up your first day of classes $10,000 richer than everyone else? Make your high school prom dress / suit out of Duct Tape and send in a photo to StuckAtProm.com. Whatever it is you’re thinking right now, don’t — check out some of the photos and see why a trash-bag looking silver thing isn’t in the cards. These kids take the tape game to a whole other level.
Catching them all
Are you one of the 13 people left in the world playing Pokémon Go like it’s a thing still? Then you qualify for the Play! Pokémon World Champion scholarship bounty. The award varies each year, and may be a bit more technically difficult than others. One actually has to win a world championship battle and dominate the league. Aside from that, you’ll have a real sweet description to add into your ‘experiences’ resume category.
Knowing random stuff
Are you a bar trivia master because all that grey matter occupying brain space is filled with useless facts? Then take the Common Knowledge Quiz and apply for its $3,000 scholarship. Not only will you finally be able to afford a few books, but you can walk around with your head held high knowing you’re at least 150 percent smarter than any of your professors.
Candidates of this scholarship will “submit an essay of no more than 500 words on the subjects of the importance of education in their lives and how the scholarship money will assist the students’ goals,” the site says. “Bonus points will be awarded to those students who find a creative way to include their passion for coffee within their essay without losing sight of the primary topic.” Which seems to somehow be a trick question. Having a focused mind while jacked on caffeine seems all but impossible. That’s also something you’ll learn in college.
Being a redhead
ScholarshipRed began in 2008 and “aims to encourage and support the higher educational goals of the amazing redhead minority — less than 2 pecrent of the US population.” Finally, all those years of being frightened by things like the sun and red t-shirts has paid off. At $500, it’s no end-all to college’s most frustrating dilemma of poverty, but it’s something. All you have to do is “create something that represents what it means to be a Redhead,” while providing a picture from your childhood. You know, in case those brownheads try and take this away from you like they did your homecoming date two years in a row.
Do you have a naked body? Do you often look at it and wonder why you don’t show it off more in public? Or maybe you’ve written off clothes for the rest of time and Donald Duck it wherever you go? Then the American Association for Nude Recreation scholarship is your thing. If you’ve a special concern for nude art, body image, skincare or anything else tied to the proclivities of the nudist community, this could be yours.