Good news for everybody who hates putting on pants.
Gone are the days of stopping at Walgreens to prepare for that “special” third date. Now you can head straight to your Netflix night — aka the romp session you’ve been waiting for since you swiped right — because 7-Eleven has you covered. What’s proving to be a very convenient convenience store will now provide you with condoms and energy drinks so you can go all night.
According to New York Daily News, $20 pays for 7-Eleven’s “Date Night” Pack, which includes a tub of ice cream (not sure who’s using that), a Hershey’s Bar, an 18-pack of Trident gum, a Red Bull and a three-pack of Trojans. What’s more is that you can officially purchase Hangover Cure Packs, Sniffles Packs or Game Day Packs, because everybody’s favorite pizza is that shit that’s been sitting in a display case for the last three days.
The $25 Gameday Pack consists of 10 buffalo wings, a 2-liter bottle of Coke, Doritos Nacho Cheese, a large pepperoni pizza and Tostitos Scoops.
The $20 Sniffles Pack comes with a 20-ounce Orange Gatorade and 7-Eleven brand allergy relief, cold and flu relief, Ibuprofen and tissues.
The cheapest, the $9.75 Endurance Pack, offers a 1.93-ounce 5-Hour Energy Extra Strength, a Clif Chocolate Chip Bar and one of either a Monster energy drink, a 12-ounce Red Bull energy drink or a 16-ounce Rockstar energy drink.
This “streamlined” service basically confirms the one thing we as lazy fucks have always known: putting pants on and leaving the house is never worth it. If I decide to go hard in the paint with the Date Night Package by myself — realistically its components are the answer to every chick’s PMS, sans the condoms, obviously — I’d much rather face an awkward delivery boy while wearing my boxers than stand fully clothed in a line full of people at Target. I’d also probably make a night of it and order at least $30 worth of Drizly and pair that with 7-Eleven’s Hangover Cure, too.
The downfall? We live in the lovely state of Colorado, where the only thing modernized about our gas stations is the availability to buy pot at the “grass pumps.” 7-Eleven’s delivery service is currently only available to lazy pieces of shit in Chicago, Los Angeles, Brooklyn and Manhattan. Washington, D.C. and Boston are on the upcoming list, but no word on any Colorado cities yet. For now, cross your fingers and just put on pants.
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