You can try all you want to turn her on consciously, but your "moves" aren't what she's interested in …
You can try all you want to turn her on with slick moves and romantic settings, but sometimes, it's the little things you say and do unconsciously that make her the horniest.
Here are some of them so you can add them to your sex repertoire. Yeah, yeah, you're welcome.
1. Your hands
This sounds weird, but your hands are the sexiest part of your body. Your whole personality is conveyed through them, and if you're cool, your hands are where the entirety of your coolness is concentrated. Plus, we know perfectly well what they're capable of doing … (salivating).
Sometimes we look like we're staring off into space, or like something's wrong, but really, we're staring at your hands.
2. When you reveal you're actually 42
Men are lucky in that they get better with age. They get smarter, more mature, more experienced and more interesting. And there's nothing sexier than hearing salt-and-pepper haired adult male telling his daughter she'll have to make other plans because he's seeing you tonight.
3. Your god awful karaoke performance
It was so bad. Never do that again … except when you need masturbation material. In that case, get back up on the stage, do your silly little attempt at song and dance and let us see how funny you are. When you make fun of yourself and act like an effeminate diva performer, we get real rainforest-y down there.
4. When you tell her your fantasies
Men think their fantasies are disgusting and fucked up, and sometimes they definitely are. But, when they aren't, it's insanely hot when a guy opens up about them. It shows he trusts you (hot), it helps you get to know him on a deeper level (hot), it gives you something to fantasize about doing with him (hot) and it helps you know what turns him on so you can manipulate it (HOOOTTT).
5. When you're nice to your mom and servers and other living things
Just the simple act of being happy to hear your mom's voice on the phone or saying "Thank you!" to the server when they take your order kicks the dust right off the ol' ovaries. Seeing you exhibit kindness and empathy for others sends the message that you're emotionally intelligent, take joy in what other people do for you, and are capable of caring for something … like us when we need you to grab a cum-rag before we can move.
6. When you're decisive
Her: I'm feeling tacos tonight. Or do you want pizza? Or maybe burgers? Spanish paella? Tanzanian chickpea stew served in a clay bong?
Him: Tacos. Let's go.
Her: (Pregnant).
7. Your stupid morning boner
Yeah, it's been punching us in the back for the last 45 minutes like the penile embodiment of a knock-knock joke, but … we kinda like it. It's hot that you're all turned on and we didn't have to do anything other than exist. Plus, it would be so easy to roll over and just deforest that morning wood, but we secretly enjoy teasing you, pretending we're asleep and grinding our butts on it.
8. When you text her when you're sitting right next to her
It shows that she's on your mind. It reaches its peak hotness when you're at dinner with other people, in a movie or at a loud show or bar and obviously can't say what you want to her aloud. It also makes her feel like she's in on a secret with you, an inside joke that only the two of you know about. And that's intimacy, man. Intimacy is fuck-me city.
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