Year In Review: We Reflect On the Bizarre Conspiracy Shit Show That was 2021

Year In Review: We Reflect On the Bizarre Conspiracy Shit Show That was 2021

With 2021 coming to a fast close, it’s time to reflect on this bizarre shit show and prepare for the next one...

CultureDecember 06, 2021 By Juan Wilder

Well ladies and gentlemen—we did it again. We survived another year on planet Earth and now, we stand on the precipice of a new one, staring into the unknowable abyss of the future like a bunch of squinting tourists. What lies ahead? Where is this strange convoy headed? How far along in the Illuminati’s master-plan are we? Why haven’t the aliens made contact yet!?

These are questions only time can answer. Questions that your favorite conspiracy columnist (who’s been bunkered down in Rooster’s mail room for the last 22 months) can’t even stab at.

What is certain (and what you’re surely already aware of) is that it’s been a wild and weird ride. It’s not often in the business of conspiracy journalism that you get a year like 2021. Sure, 2001 was pretty good, and 2020 set the bar to a whole new level. But this foul year of 2021 managed to set it even higher. Who knows what 2022 might have in store for us...?

So, it seems timely to glance back in the rearview mirror and reflect on the bizarre conspiracy shit show that was 2021, and brace ourselves for whatever comes next.

 

ASTROWORLD SACRIFICE

Over 50,000 people flowed through an entrance looking like Travis Scott’s gaping mouth (a reference to the painting, “Christ breaking down the gates of hell”). The event’s slogan was, “See you on the other side.” And when things started going fatally sideways at Astroworld, Scott drove the show on, singing and dancing while his fans were suffocated and trampled to death before him. Ten people were sacrificed- I mean, “died unintentionally.” And no doubt, the powers that be will use this orchestrated hecatomb as a means to push their anti-rap-concert agenda.

 

FACEBOOK: A META BLACK MIRROR EPISODE

Everything about this company has become shady—from its aging users, to its algorithms, employees and, of course, its founder, The Zuck. Facebook was outed for being sociopathically indifferent to harm they were causing, and immediately changed their name to Meta… if you haven’t watched Zuck’s speech at the Meta launch, you should. A Black Mirror future is coming.

 

VACCINES AND MANDATES

Look: It’s contentious. And I am not qualified to touch this subject with a ten-foot pole. One side points to “Safety and Efficacy of the BNT162b2 mRNA Covid-19 Vaccine” in the New England Journal of Medicine. While others warn of dubious ulterior motives outlined in “Vaccines: an entry point to digital identity.” I say read them both.

 

Whacking John McAfee

“Know that if I hang myself, a la Epstein, it will be no fault of mine.” Wrote John McAfee, the billionaire anti-virus, cyber-security pioneer who had been living at sea, on the run from the US and Belizean governments for tax evasion and murder, respectively. “If I suicide myself I didn’t. I was Whackd” he tweeted. Then, he was subsequently apprehended in Spain, arrested, stuck in a Barcelona prison cell, and found hanging by the neck, a la Epstein.

 

January 6

A bunch  of Q-ANON quacks, goaded by their idiot leader, stoked on by FBI agent provocateurs, enabled by Capitol Police who stepped aside to let them inside, conducted a terrifying and medieval-looking coup at the Capitol. The Feds knew it was going to happen. Trump made no moves to stop it. The National Guard (that had been present for the George Floyd protests) was nowhere to be found, despite a police officer being beaten to death, and other flagrant acts of treason and sedition. Strange forces were at work that day — no matter what you believe, that’s a fact.

 

GME was brought down by a “short ladder attack”

It was an internet revolution: a check-mate stock market move, to fuck elite Wall Street traders, by pumping GameStop “stonks” after brokers had shorted the dying company. And it was exciting as hell. Everything was going to plan: the market was working as designed, and the army of Reddit idiots who borrowed money from their wives’ boyfriends to invest, was about to run an established brokerage company into infinite debt. In just one month, the GME stock rocketed from $15 to almost $350—and it should have kept going straight up, to the moon, making millions of diamond-handed weebs helplessly rich. But it didn’t. It tanked. Twice. And no one — not even the FEC—has a good explanation for why… Except for a massive coordinated “short ladder attack.” (Which would be very illegal, if the perpetrators weren’t some of the richest motherfuckers in the country.