Being a human being is hard and hearing words all the time from people's mouths is even harder. Some of those words get so hard, in fact, we just had to write them down in an online blog so that people know what we're sick of hearing.

1. What? You never graduated high school?

No. The words that literally just came out of my mouth before this dumb question were “I didn’t graduate high school.” Why would you ask for the validity of my statement a second time and somehow expect the answer to be any different?

2. You’re never going to get a job.

Great! I’m just like every other American in this shit economy that allows 1 out of every 10 people to live under a reprehensible poverty line. OR I’m just like some billionaires in the world who also dropped out of school and will use my inimitable street know-how to create a legendary corporation just like they did. Next!

3. Enjoy jail, I hear it’s nice this time of year.

Jail is never nice. There isn’t a parallel universe in believed existence that would create a jail to be accommodating. You just said jail was nice, and I’m the stupid one? And by the way, your sarcasm is terrible. Mind numbingly terrible.

4. We had to tell grandma you passed your classes just so she wouldn’t have a heart attack.

Mom got drunk and told me we can’t afford the Nissan anymore while exhaling words of a life insurance policy on Nana. Keeping her alive isn’t exactly on everyone’s list of priorities right now.

5. Girls will never go for a guy without a diploma.

Fantastic! What else could possibly win over women in the 21st century other than a small sheet of foil-stamped paper shoved into the signature section of a yellowing year book? I’m the shit at X-Box, maybe that will coerce them into a date.

6. Your mother is very disappointed in you.

I’m disappointed in mom’s liver spots. Listen, if I’m going to be more like her I’m going to have to suck down seven glasses of Franzia before I can even muster the strength to get out of bed. Mom’s disappointed in your infidelities, not my lack of servitude to a failing public education system.

7. What are you going to do about money?

Become a hipster and get seven roommates while we all paint kale murals and pretend to know hidden secrets about the world – what else do millennials do? It’s called being a free spirit, DAD!

8. How will you get into college?

How can I stay out of college? When all of my other friends are 30,000 bones deep in debt with little else to show for it than memorized rhetoric from pseudo-intellectual professors, I’ll be breaking even. Breaking even is the new wealthy.

9. How do you plan on moving up in the company?

You mean this company that I’m in right now? The one that you said I wouldn’t be able to get into because I don’t have a diploma? Dad, you’re 50 and your company still gives you engraved letter openers as a Christmas bonus. When you figure it out maybe you can let me know.

10. Can you at least get your G.E.D.?

Like I need state approved standards telling me what I need to know to get ahead in the real world. A Good Enough Diploma works as an entrance fee to community college, but little else. I’d rather not.

11. Loser

You are!