Last month, Denver hosted the 8th International Taco Bell 50k Ultramarathon, and if you’re anything like us, you got heartburn reading that headline too. The race consists of 31 miles in which participants hit 10 different Taco Bell locations in Denver, and according to its website, the event boasts a higher Did Not Finish (DNF) rate than the Leadville 100 Trail Race. It’s easy to understand, once you read the rules. 

Participants must eat a menu item at nine of the 10 locations, and by the fourth stop, one must have consumed at least one Chalupa or Crunchwrap Supreme. By the eighth stop, one must have consumed at least one Burrito Supreme or a Nachos Bell Grande. Bathroom use is only allowed at the Taco Bell locations, with one added stop allowed in Wash Park. There are added categories like the Baja Blast Challenge, where a participant drinks two liters of Baja Blast throughout the ultramarathon without vomiting. This is all complete and utter madness, but the worst part is that stomach aids such as Pepto and Alka Seltzer are forbidden. We don’t know if you’ve ever run miles before, but we’ll tell you: we’re close to shitting our britches around mile three, regardless of whether Taco Bell is involved or not. On the other hand, we’re almost positive this would be no trouble if you threw in a pitcher of beer.