There's never been more of a reason to spend your entire paycheck on expensive eye creams and dick-enhancing gels just to empty your bank account; that's because if you're poor and a medical marijuana user, you're entitled to free weed if you live in Berkeley, California.

There's never been more of a reason to spend your entire paycheck on ultra-expensive smoothies and dick-enhancing gels just to empty your bank account; that's because as of this week, if you're poor and a medical marijuana user, you're entitled to free weed if you live in Berkeley, California.

The city just passed a landmark ordinance requiring that medical dispensaries give, for free, two percent of the amount of cannabis they sell to those couldn't otherwise afford it. And, to keep Berkeley's dollar-store patrons from getting stiffed with dirt weed, whatever product dispensaries hand out must be of equal quality to what they sell to paying customers.

Can you hear that? That's the sound of us using our savings to buy a helicopter and a llama. Who needs money anyway?

"Basically, the city council wants to make sure that low-income, homeless, indigent folks have access to their medical marijuana, their medicine," Berkeley City Council member Darryl Moore said, in what seems like some speech from a futuristic utopia where citizens frolic in egalitarian glee.  "We think this is the responsible thing to do for those less fortunate in our community."

This begs the question … When good people die, do they go to Berkeley?

We commend Berkeley for their impressively forward-thinking plan … now if we could just get Colorado on that bandwagon. Oh, ,wait, weed grows on trees here. Nevermind.