It’s been a rough couple of weeks, right? As Colorado’s wildfire season starts entirely too early and American’s reproductive rights are slated to be taken away, it’s hard to find solace within the little things, like getting to watch a dysfunctional celebrity couple air their dirty laundry on live TV.

As growing despair amounts in each of our hearts, our only glimpses of hope remain in the absurd novelty of having front row seats to watching a 400-year-old country slowly rip itself apart. After all, Americans don’t see that every day… right?

One would only hope, in trying times like these, for a hero to emerge from the dark. Perhaps, as this country strays further from its original founding notions and God, a metaphorical hero, an angel, even, could be cast down upon Earth from the heavens to once again lay low the new nation, to separate the church from the state, and to deliver each and every one of us from old white men with too much neck skin who insist upon infringing upon our own bodily rights.

Would you happen to have a moment to talk about our new Lord and Savior, The Satanic Temple?

Founded in 2013, The Satanic Temple makes headlines every couple of weeks, often in its fights against various causes, such as corporal punishment in schools, hate groups and, most recently, abortion rights.

This isn’t the first time that the Satanic Temple has fought in the battle for abortion rights, either.

With one of its commandment-like tenants reading “One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone,” the temple has continuously used “abortion rituals” to defend one’s right to an abortion.

Now, these “Abortion Rituals” are making headlines once again, reminding Americans far and wide that The Satanic Temple is a tax-exempt religious organization, with the temple claiming that members who perform “Satanic Abortion Rituals” are exempt from state abortion restrictions.

Specifically, these rituals keep its members “from enduring medically unnecessary and unscientific regulations when seeking to terminate their pregnancy."

According to the temple’s website, members of The Satanic Temple are exempt from mandatory waiting periods, compulsory counseling prior to abortion, mandatory listening to the fetal heartbeat, as well as a large plethora of other required abortion proceedings.

It’s a clever loophole, though how it will play out in court is debatable. In 2019 and in 2020, The Satanic Temple lost two abortion rights cases in Missouri pertaining to the state’s informed consent law.

As The Satanic Temple fights for rights for every American, we have to admit that our grandparents were right, and that the trip we took to Hot Topic in seventh grade was apparently quite a slippery slope. 

Image by: Marc Nozelle / Flickr