One of these days, when hell freezes over and you get your life together, you might just make it to a level of wealth at which only a certain percentage of the population exists. In anticipation of that occasion, we’re taking you on a tour of what perks and amenities await you.

One of these days, when hell freezes over and you get your life together, you might just make it to a level of wealth at which only a certain percentage of the population exists. In anticipation of that occasion, we’re taking you on a tour of what perks and amenities await you.

Jets
Skip the pedantic security lines and sports-jersey totting passengers of mainstream airlines, and hop aboard an elegant private jet. BlackJet is your answer to living, looking and acting like you’re rich when, in fact, you’re not. Founded by Silicon Valley veterans and Hollywood A-listers such as everyone’s favorite douchebag Ashton Kutcher, BlackJet takes unfilled seats on private planes and sells them to members for a discount over face value and slightly above what a business-class ticket on a commercial airline would cost. Membership runs $2,500 a year, plus what you’d pay for a ticket. But for the love of god, there isn’t enough money in the world for us to want to sit by Ashton Kutcher on a cross-country plane ride. Yes, even we have standards.

Cars
Landing at an airport and renting a mid-sized sedan that’s touched the rumpus of a middle-class suburban family isn’t your idea of a vacation. You aren’t on a charity retreat, so why dabble in the common peoples’ affairs? What you need is your smooth and slick, leather and wood luxury car that smells almost as good as money itself. Thank god for Hertz Dream Car. Indulge in Europe’s finest — Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Mercedes SLS AMG — wherever you travel within the United States so you’ll never have to drive a Ford Escape again. Ever. At $1,200 a day for rental, plus $3 per mile thereafter, you can toss inhibition, hesitation and moderation aside before you even begin your vacation.

Concierge
Should you find yourself fighting the insatiable urge to jet set to a small bamboo villa in the clear blue waters of Fiji on a Monday afternoon, Quintessentially has you covered. The London-based lifestyle company offers a golden menu of services ranging from locking down any, and we mean any, ticket you want, to access to the world’s top invite-only clubs, bars and hotels. Operating in 60 countries, there’s nothing that will stop you from rubbing elbows with the .5 percent of every country, except maybe the price tag. Membership begins at a reasonable $38,500 per year. Which is worth it, considering one client requested, and received, eight midgets with circus experience sent to Dubai and put on a boat. Damn, it’s good to be rich.

Credit Card
Leave it up to Dubai to take an everyday menial item and transform it into an opulent waste of money. The Dubai First Royale Mastercard makes your American Express Black Card look like a blockbuster video membership. This prodigious display of wealth is the world’s first credit card with a .235-carat embedded diamond along with gold-trimmed edges on the outside of the black center. While other cards have private airplane and hotel perks, the First Royale Mastercard comes with a “lifestyle manager” whose sole purpose in life is to cater to yours. Should you fall victim to spending limits and restrictions on other cards, you’re safe with this one. There are no spending limits or pesky restrictions; it’s fair game on anything. Maybe that’s why, to own this black beauty, you must receive a special invitation from Dubai First. It’s basically the Enzo Ferrari of credit cards.