This week in the world of bizarre lyrics, we have a song by the world's biggest red Solo Cup fan in the history of time, Toby Keith. Because to Toby, World's Most Foremost Lover of Solo Cups and Parties, a solo cup is more than a Solo cup. It's the vehicle that connects him to chicks. It's the gateway to partying. It's, in essence, the only friend you need.

This week in the world of bizarre lyrics, we have a song by the world's biggest red Solo cup fan in the history of time, Toby Keith. Because to Toby, World's Most Foremost Lover of Solo Cups and Parties, a Solo cup is more than a Solo cup. It's the vehicle that connects him to chicks. It's the gateway to partying. It's, in essence, the only friend a man needs in this cold dead world.

And so, he's written this riveting ballad describing their attributes. With each word, he drives the listener closer to the corner store where they sometimes sell Solo cups, or maybe it's the gas station. With each twang of his country boy guitar, he takes your ears on a magic carpet ride to the greatest party in the world; the party he's at, where he's so drunk, he's rhyming the words "decomposable" and "forecloseable."

Listen, fans of cups. Listen and learn.

Now a red solo cup is the best receptacle
For barbecues, tailgates, fairs and festivals
And you, sir, do not have a pair of testicles
If you prefer drinking from glass

A red solo cup is cheap and disposable
And in 14 years they are decomposable
And unlike my home, they are not foreclosable
Freddie-Mac can kiss my ass. Woo!

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you red solo cup, I lift you up
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Now I really love how you're easy to stack
But I really hate how you're easy to crack
Cuz when beer runs down in front of my pack
Well that my friends is quite yucky

But I have to admit the ladies get smitten
Admiring how sharply my first name is written
On you with a sharpie when I get to hittin'
on them to help me get lucky

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you red solo cup, I lift you up
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Now I've seen you in blue and I've seen you in yellow
But only you, red, will do for this fellow
Cuz you are the Abbot to my Costello
And you are the fruit to my loom

Red solo cup, you're more than just plastic
You're more than amazing you're more than fantastic
And believe me that I'm not the least bit sarcastic
when I look at you and say:

"Red solo cup, you're not just a cup. (No, no, God no!)
You're my, you're my (friend?) friend. (life long!)
Thank you for being my friend."

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you red solo cup, I lift you up
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you red solo cup, I lift you up
Proceed to party, proceed to party

Red solo cup, I fill you up
Let's have a party, let's have a party
I love you red solo cup, I lift you up
Let's have a party, proceed to party

Red solo cup! Solo cup!