The lawmakers might sound like super-squares, but they do kind of have a point …
Back in college, our friend kept his beer pong table in the garage — it was used every single day. We drank oceans of Key Light, and life was great. But we were also super lazy college students; so we left snowbanks of beer cans and moldy cups lying around because we could. It wasn't until the landlord came by and threatened to evict us that we got our shit together and cleaned the place up. We still played every day, but we'd drunkenly mop up any spilled beer and pack away our tremendous mess every night, upon fear of living in the street.
We never got legally in trouble for it, but a new law in Boulder could make it so.
As per the Daily Camera, councilman Andrew Shoemaker is looking to fine the ass off of people who leave that shit lying around.
"You drive through The Hill in the spring or the fall, you see them. You see them laying out all winter," the councilman said in an interview Thursday. "What I'm talking about is getting these things out of the yard."
There's no real way to argue that they're "stealing our freedoms" or "oppressing us" because this law is aimed at making lazy college kids clean their shit up after they make a mess. There's already a law against having upholstered furniture out in the yard, mostly because people will be too lazy to haul it inside, it'll get wet and moldy, and your house will look like a crack den. Also, it's not as easy to set it on fire when we win a football game. Smart.
Schools in Santa Clara, Calif., ban unattended beer pong tables, where violators face up to $750 in fines. Other colleges outright ban beer pong altogether. So a fine ain't so bad by comparison?
Jen Riley, Boulder's code enforcement supervisor, said that neighbors often complain about shit like this all the time. "We do receive calls about it from the public, but we tell them that just a table in and of itself is not something we can enforce under the furniture ordinance because it's not upholstered," she said.
So just like how my friends and I were lazy drunken psychopaths who only cleaned out the garage when adults made us, sometimes people need a push. This would be that, and some people need it.