In a landmark ruling, Canada's Supreme Court has struck down all of the country's prostitution laws, proving once and for all that Canada is just one giant orgy.
We always knew there was something a little off about Canada. They're never in the news, they have almost no presence the United Nations, no one lives there, and they're super weird. Oh, and Justin Bieber is Canadian. See what we mean?
We all have our suspicions about what's really going on up North, but now we know for sure why those crazy Canucks: they're just all having sex with each other.
This theory was proven correct today following a landmark ruling by Canada's Supreme Court that struck down not one, not a few, but all of their anti-prostitution laws, making it infinitely easier for Canadians to partake in their dionysian sex festivals.
Until now, it was illegal in Canada to own a brothel, make a living of prostitution, and solicit sex on the street. But today, ladies and gentlemen of the night, you can have at it. And have at it good. Mmm, yeah.
Want to give a hummer to a politician so you can afford to pay your electric bill? Great. Have an empty house sitting around that people could be having sex in? Wonderful; make it a brothel. Want to stand on the corner in sub-zero temperatures wearing nothing but a fishnet body suit and a boa, showing your butt to passersby in the hopes that they'll pick you up and pay you in McDonald's? Knock yourself out, you big stinkin' whore!
The ruling is a huge victory for Canada's sex workers, who found the anti-prostitution laws to violate the charter guarantee to life, liberty and security of the person. We couldn't agree more. And we know where we're going for Spring Break.