Have you ever had a penis and balls and been like, "Man, I really want to touch my toes in a room full of women … but my muscular exterior limits my flexibility. And also the women make fun of me?"

Have you ever had a penis and balls and been like, "Man, I really want to touch my toes in a room full of women … but my muscular exterior limits my flexibility. And also the women make fun of me?" (Crying, crying weeping).

Then you'll love Broga, a new kind of yoga that caters to men's unique needs.

Need #1: NO GIRLS ALLOWED

There are NO GIRLS ALLOWED in Broga. NONE. No fit girls in yoga pants sticking their butts in your faces. "Nah" to that, "nah" so hard. Broga is a time for men to stretch their hamstrings with other men who are all facing the same direction.

Need #2: PURE BRUTE STRENGTH GGGAAAAHHHHH!

Broga celebrates the physical over the spiritual, and strength over flexibility. Pecs, abs, butts, necks and calves take precedence over setting intentions and invoking Hindu dieties.

Need #3: NOT FEELING INEPT AND OTHER EMOTIONS

Yoga is to men as peeing standing up is to women. Men often feel inept trying to twist their bodies into a pretzel with the same gentle ease women do. But in Broga, there is no snack-shaped twisting. Just rigid, strength-building motions that make a man able to look himself in the eye through the fog of his hot, steamy shower where he has been cleansing the Broga sweat off his recently sculpted bod with confidence. Shh.

“I consider myself an athletic guy, but have never been flexible and didn’t like the thought of embarrassing myself in front of a group of women," said financial analyst Eric Wright, 22, of San Jose, California to Reuters. Eric and his buddies with XY chromosomes use the video streaming service Grokker to practice their Broga.

“On Wednesdays we have a standing Broga appointment and anywhere from five to eight others will join me,” he said. Well, that's one way to get many manly magnificent muscular men into your house.

Grokker founder and Chief Executive Officer Lorna Borenstein also said more and more men are adding yoga to their exercise routines as a cross-training tool for flexibility and improving recovery time. What she didn't mention was the life-long friendships and laughs they share after putting themselves through such grueling exercise.

“Men are a little late to the party" she added. Considering yoga has been around for 3,000 years but Western men have only recently started embracing it with the same gusto as women, we'd say she's about right.

NEED #4: CREATE A COMMUNITY OF BROTHERS, SUPER FIT AND FLEXIBLE BROTHERS

Massachusetts yoga instructor Robert Sidoti is the creator and co-founder of the trademarked Broga Yoga, which so far has trained some 200 Broga instructors in at least 22 states. The brotherhood is expanding all around us. Mmm.

Sidoti taught his first Broga class in 2009. His Broga Yoga videos are found on the Booya Fitness website, which offers on-demand fitness classes for people who demand fitness.

“A lot of guys were saying: 'I can’t touch my knees, let alone my toes. I would never go to a mostly women class and do things I’m no good at,'” said Sidoti, whose sequences are designed with men’s bodies in mind.

“We rarely go into poses that require deep forward bending, twisting and binding,” he said, adding a High Intensity Interval Training sequence is included. “It’s not so much about feeling your heart center as feeling the stretch across your chest,” Sidoti said.

Word's still out whether the men roar and beat their nicely stretched chests as well.

NEED #5: OVERPOWER SPIRITUALITY WITH BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS

Jessica Matthews, senior adviser for health and fitness education at the American Council on Exercise, said most men tend to view yoga as a workout rather than a spiritual practice. Ain't nobody got time to reconnect to their heart chakra when they've got a bunch of chest hair and long urethras to worry about.

“They celebrate the physical,” said Matthews, who is also a yoga teacher.

Okay … We know what's going on here, men. You just can't deal with mixed gender yoga classes because of the incredible power of yoga pants. We see you.

And now! Without further adieu, is the most awkwardly hilariously weirdly dumb videographic explanation of Broga. For your health!