While we're at it, Flaming Hot Cheetos also lead to high-risk sexual activities. 

There’s a trend in America where governing bodies believe they know what’s right for the people. Sadly, it’s turning into the pussification of America as we try to protect the people as much as possible — much to the detriment of those same people. Luckily for all of us, litigious lawsuits are only expediting this slow decline.

For the students of Middlebury College in Vermont, it’s time to say goodbye to the good ol’ days of Red Bulls and Monsters, as campus officials plan to ban the nefarious energy drinks starting Mar 7, claiming they can lead to problematic behavior when mixed with alcohol. Officials went on to further state that making energy drinks available will contribute to high-risk sexual activity, drunk driving, stress and the promotion of bad study habits. So … what about Adderall and coffee? 

"I see it as the equivalent of banning cigarettes," Dan Detora, the executive director of dining hall services, told NBC. He cited research showing that energy drinks can lead to poor heart health, liver health and even seizures.

So … what about junk food, processed food and fried food? These were not part of the ban., even though like cigarettes, they also lead to a handful of illnesses. Sadly, like all governing bodies, the insular perspective of the officials overlooked more important issues facing the students besides the possibility of engaging in high-risk sexual activities.

Ironically, the ban is only implemented on campus, meaning a student can walk across the street to the gas station and purchase a case of Red Bulls or 5-hour energy. So yes, it's ultimately a completely pointless bunch of red tape that does nothing to help students and instead creates another barrier of trust issues between the college and its students.  

On the bright side, there's now an opening for Red Bull dealers in the library during finals.