Last night, TLC aired the first episode of Virgin Coaches, a TV show about a Colorado couple who teaches virgin couples to fuck like the world is ending in a biblical flood. That's right, Colorado. You show 'em.

Last night, TLC aired the first episode of Virgin Coaches, a TV show about a Colorado couple who teaches virgin couples to fuck like the world is ending in a biblical flood. That's right, Colorado. You show 'em.

Bill and Janean Fuller, everybody! The Colorado Springs duo helps young Christian couples who are waiting until marriage undertsand the ins and outs of shagging so that when they get to the point of no return, they'll know what to do with their respective pristine genitalia.

"We kind of rip them out of their comfort zone," Bill says on the special. "Just the idea of talking about it can be horrifying to a lot of people."

Bill and Jenean have some experience when it comes to prolonged celibacy and working through sexual inexperience. Though both had been previously married to others before they got hitched in 2004, they each went 20 years without having sex as while they raised their children. Twenty. Fucking. Years. And you thought your two-week dry spell was bad.

The couple are also certified in master-level Christian mind-body work, and say they use it to make virgin couples more relaxed about the prospect of sex. T

"A lot of virgins think they can go from 0 miles per hour to 100 miles per hour right after the wedding and that's not realistic at all," says Janean.

"There's quite a market for this," ejaculates Bill with a coy little smile.

Here's a preview of the show's trailer, which is every bit as awkward and uncomfortable as your wildest dreams made it out to be!

… Okay then!

Word's still out on whether Bill and Janean cover assplay and latex fetishism in their teachings, but one thing's for sure.  If there's anyone who should be teaching young virgins how to fuck, it should be Coloradans. We mean, we don't win fittest, sexiest, most intelligent state because we don't know how to fuck like slow-motion porn gods fighting to save the world from imminent destruction through the power of orgasm. We know what's up.