An adviser to Russian President Vladimir Putin is claiming that the U.S. is brainwashing Ukranians to unify them through gay sex, similar to how the Spartans did it in ancient Greece.

“Military theorists and historians know which army in Greece was the strongest, remember? The Spartans! They were united by a homosexual brotherhood. They were all homos. These were the politics of their leadership. I think they are planning the same for Ukraine’s Armed Forces,” Sergei Markov said while appearing on Russian TV. 

It’s just the latest in batshit fucking crazy propaganda that Russia has released in the last few months as it continues to arguably get ass blasted by the very country it attempted to invade last year.

Markov said that the U.S. and Ukraine will use “neuro-linguistic programming” to turn Ukrainian soldiers gay against their will, but last time we checked, such technology doesn’t exist, unless you count the Barbie movie.

We’ll be honest, if the U.S. military got rid of its “don’t ask, don’t tell” rhetoric and started throwing in an orgy or two at boot camp, we might finally sign up for the draft.