Nothing can prepare you for the pure American brawn that is skarping. ARE YOU READY TO LOVE YOUR COUNTRY?

Like extreme sports? Then you’ll love skarping.

Skarping is the hodge-podgey mash-up of water skiing, basketball, butterfly catching and pure American brawn aimed at controlling in the Asian carp population which is quickly taking over Midwestern rivers and tributaries. Scientists are skarping to prevent the species from reaching the Great Lakes at which point attempts to control population growth would be essentially impossible. EXTREME!

This video was made by Peoria Carp Hunters, a real group of actual humans who take “clients bow fishing on the Illinois River using a custom pontoon boat specially modified to get the carp jumping.” Once airborne, it is that much easier for the skiing participant to catch said fish and then dunk it in a repurposed Fisher-Price basketball goal holding container. That’s one invasive fish down and two points for America, folks! EXXXTREME.

“Asian carp jump because of vibration and water turbulence,” says Capt. Nathan Wallick, the person behind Peoria Carp Hunters. “This boat gets the Asian carp popping like popcorn. I modified my boat to allow five people to shoot at the same time. The rest may comfortably hang out on padded bench seats, enjoying refreshments, blasting their choice of music over the sound system and watching their buddies slay carp. It truly does not get any better than that!”


There you have it, folks, rednecks ‘Gittin’-R-Done,’ their sights set on them no-good Asian freeloaders tryin’ to take over our toxic waterways … America!