The attached chart proves it, too.

People of Colorado: We have a major problem on our hands that needs to be addressed right fucking now. Skiing and snowboarding is not as fun as you think it is. 

Everyone here likes to act like skiing and snowboarding defines who they are as a person. That it’s a tenant part of their soul. That sliding down an oversized hill on glorified foot-sleds is somehow a defining part of their personality.

People boisterously exclaim they went skiing like its some sort of accomplishment. Congratulations, you let gravity act upon your stupid bundled up body. Soo impressive.

Assholes spend thousand of dollars a year on new equipment, lift tickets, overpriced hotels, $15 bowls of chili and après ski drinks. All just to slide down frozen droplets of water on slanted sections of earth. Great financial decision, dicks!

Likewise, skiers and snowboarders will sit in 6 hours of traffic coming home from some stupid mountain owned by an enormous international corporation and act like it’s a normal and acceptable thing to do. People wreck their cars and die in accidents all the time on the mountain because they don’t know how to properly drive in snow. This could all be prevented if people just stopped skiing and snowboarding altogether.

Plus, 80 percent of the people skiing and snowboarding are absolutely terrible at it. They have no idea what the hell they are doing and dress like weirdos on the mountain. Oh yeah, jeans are always a great choice for skiing and that jacket you bought in 1978 still looks just as good today. Looking great shredding those Green trails, woo! You can’t have fun doing things you suck at, it's science.

The graph below illustrates this point much better than words ever could:

As you can see from the chart, getting shanked in a Venezuelan prison is officially 28x more fun than skiing or snowboarding. At that rate, why would anyone go skiing or snowboarding? Anyone that thinks they want to go skiing should just go get shanked in a Venezuelan prison or attend a puppet show for the blind. It’s proven by charts to be much more fun.

By going to a puppet show for the blind not only would you be having more fun than if you were skiing, but you’d also free up the mountain for people like me. I’m tired of sitting in traffic for 6 hours coming home from a day of snowboarding and I’m tired of 30-minute lift lines. So if everyone that wants to go skiing or snowboarding could just go pre-chew food for the elderly that would save me and the elderly a whole lot of trouble. Thanks!