Snitchin' has never been this easy …
The business of narcotics is a nefarious one at best, but … it's still a business. And what's the one thing all businesses — legal or otherwise — have to face and tackle in order to succeed?
Competition, baby. Pure and simple.
But! What if there was an easy way to demolish competitors so your product could flood the market like El Niño in Colorado springtime?
Well, thanks to a sinfully brilliant Kentucky Sheriff, now there is. As long as your brilliant business idea is dealin' doobies, that is.
The Franklin County Sheriff's Office posted this bad boy of a flyer to its Facebook page last week, offering drug dealers a fast and simple way to deal with pesky competitors:
"Attention Drug Dealers: Is your Drug Dealing Competition Costing You Money? We offer a free service to help you eliminate your drug competition!" the flyer reads. Underneath, there's a little section where you can identify dealers, thereby cementing their futures not as a competing drug lord, but as "Lord" or "Lady" of Cell Block C. The shittiest cell block, obviously.
Sheriff Pat Melton says the flyer is inspired by a similar post from a police department in Georgia.
"We've got our community engaged," Melton told WKYT-TV. "People are looking at it. They're talking about it. And you know, if we can get a good tip and get a good drug dealer off the streets, all the more."
God, it's all just so brainy. We mean, everyone wins. The police get their man, and you … are a giant asshole snitch whose product isn't quality enough to rule the market. Go re-watch Breaking Bad and learn a thing or two about purity and branding, bitch.