Because we love beer, pumpkins and fucking around on YouTube while we should be working, we unearthed this awesome video by Celebrations Party Ideas about how to turn a pumpkin into a keg. But good as the video is, it's boring as fuck, so here's how we,  The Rooster would make the most functional jack-o-lantern ever.  

Because we love beer, pumpkins and fucking around on YouTube while we should be working, we unearthed this awesome video by Celebrations Party Ideas about hw to turn a pumpkin into a keg. But as good as the video is, it's boring as fuck, so here's how we, The Rooster would make the most functional jack-o-lantern ever.

Supplies

  • One fucking awesome pumpkin. One that's big enough to hold the bounty of several  brewskies, and can stand up on its own. 
  • Spigot  – you can find one of these bad boys at brew and housewares stores.
  • Pumpkin carving shit: knives, scoops, chainsaws, long, scary fingernails … whatever.
  • Marker – to make sure you cut the hole the right size, otherwise your beer will leak out and you will be a sad, sober zombie-pirate. Cut it a little smaller and screw the tap in to ensure a tight seal.
  • Whatever sort of beer you're drinking these days.

Step 1
Cut the top off your pumpkin and scoop out its guts like the sadistic eviscerator you are.

Step 2
Trace the spigot with the marker about 3/4 of the way down the pumpkin. Cut that hole like the lovechild of Freddy Krueger and Edward Scissorhands, with precision and poise. 

Step 3
Take the spigot apart and stuff it in the hole, trying with all your might to refrain from saying "That's what she said." Secure it with the washer that you just took off. 

Step 4
Fill that fucker with beer. Or booze. Or distilled alpine spring water. Or soup. We could keep going.

Step 5)
Insert beer into your body and try to process what just happened.

You're welcome. Also, here's the video in case you like that kind of visual shit where the lady talks slowly for four minutes.