Life Advice From A Comedian: Do women really go to sex toy parties?
Do women really go to sex toy parties?
First off, it’s a little alarming there isn’t a woman in your life that could field this question, but I’m thankful for your contribution to Mike Drop nonetheless! In short, yes! According to my limited research they all get together in a giant mansion somewhere in London, there’s a house mistress calling the shots, a few weird looking spectators. I didn’t make it through the whole video, but everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves.
Is it ok to not have a “friend group?”
Of course! Dipping in and out of different social scenes makes you more well rounded. Avoiding a “clique” is where it’s at. It’s also the best way to avoid accidentally joining a religious cult.
How do I ask my partner to stop being on their phone so much?
Try texting them.
How do I turn a bad day around and get back on track?
This one is easy! I got you! The answer is Huey Lewis! You ever listen to Huey Lewis? It’s impossible to be angry. Want to take it one step further? Pit stop at Ben and Jerry’s! Did you know that if you listen to Huey Lewis while eating Ben and Jerry’s you’ll jizz in your Jordache? It’s true, my friend who is a professor at Oxford confirmed it. At least, I think he’s a professor… he might be a janitor. Either way, it’s solid advice!
What am I supposed to do about my balls? As I get older they appear to be lengthening. Do I wear underwear with some support or do I tape 'em up?
Oh man, I hear ya. The first time I got them caught in my bike chain I realized I need to reassess how I was lugging my tenders. Don’t tape them, unless you want airport security to think you’re smuggling heroin. The answer is underwear. Switch back to briefs.
Would you rather have a tail or a pouch?
TAIL! Definitely! Pouches are everywhere. I can always wear cargo pants. A tail would be rad as hell! Hanging from monkey bars! Swimming faster! Leaning back on it like a chair! Holding a margarita! The possibilities are endless!
I like sleeping with the dog in the bed, my husband hates it. Who is right?
DOG IN THE BED! DOG IN THE BED! DOG IN THE BED!
MIKE KNOWS BEST:
Whippets are funny because they’re like “hey, wanna get high? No? Well, perhaps I can make you dessert?”