If you're not ready to be accused of being anyone's "baby daddy" because your freakishly strong sperm impregnated every woman within a 10-foot radius of you, then stop drinking wine right now.

If your life goals include never getting paternity tested on Jerry Springer after being accused that you're some chick's "baby daddy," then stop drinking wine right now…What did we just say? Put the 2003 Beaujolais down.

Wine, it appears, makes your sperm stronger. Not stronger as in "slightly more enthusiastic about impregnation." Stronger as in "will blast through the birthing canal like a megaton of dynamite and procreate with the force of a thousand suns." New research from Poland says that drinking six or more glasses of wine a week dramatically improved the viability of sperm, making it much more likely to reach it's "goal."

See what we mean?

And you might think that's a good thing, especially given this decade's trend towards smaller, weaker, stupider sperm. And you might think it's an even better thing if creating a progeny with your penis is on the top of your to-do list. But here's the thing; if you don't stop drinking wine, you're going to end up with a whole bunch of baby vomit in your ear.

So it's up to you whether you want to keep drinking wine, thereby risking your chance of adding to humankind's ever-growing numbers, or if you want to switch to hard liquor and save humanity from having to deal with your spawn. Hooray, contraception!