A few weeks ago my laundry machine broke. Not the laundry machine that cleans actual laundry, but the separate machine that takes money to digitally place on a card that runs the other machine. Confusing, right? Because it is, and it's a waste of time. So I wrote a letter to get shit done.

So, here's a compelling story: A few weeks ago my laundry machine broke. Not the laundry machine that cleans actual laundry, but the separate machine that takes money to digitally place on a card that runs the other machine. Confusing, right? Because it is, and it's a waste of time – but that's a whole other issue entirely.

The worthless cash machine was broken for well over a week and my leasing office was unable to provide any substantial answers to the quandary. It was just broke, and no one was able to fix it. They'd credit our account if we went to a laundromat, which was fine, but the inconvenience was worse than any other first world problem I could think of at the moment.

It took forever to get fixed and it was a pain in the ass, simple as that. So I wrote a letter to the elusive laundry company; because letters get shit done.

To whom it concerns,

We have a problem at our apartment complex. So far, after too many days, the problem remains unsettled.

Last week the Card Value Station at our apartment’s leasing office went offline with the real world. It’s unusable. This makes it extremely difficult for my family and many others in the complex to enact upon daily duties, which make us unhygienic and improper human beings. It’s now Tuesday night, and neither the office, the residents, nor our child’s Magic 8-ball knows when it will be fixed.

The instability is emotionally drowning us all deep inside here, and no amount of Resolve pre-wash laundry cleaner will ever undo the mental stains this event has spilled upon us.

Let’s be frank: When CSC ServiceWorks acquired Mac-Gray in January of this year CEO Bob Doyle said that, “The combination of these two companies along with the sharing of best practices will result in ideas that will maximize customer satisfaction and provide offerings that are unsurpassed in our industry. This is truly an exciting day for both of our organizations’ employees and customers.“

Unfortunately, that statement now appears distorted – like most words coming from millionaires are – as the only things we’ve experienced this year have been shotty equipment productivity, rate hikes, difficulty in usability and an overall frustration with our laundry service.

We’re toiling with the rampant distress, and if we must continue without clean laundry, I’m not sure most of us are going to make it. Imagine the bullying from other civilians; it’ll be unmanageable! Our mental well-being is in Mac-Gray’s hands, and we just don’t feel like it’s being handled judiciously.

It’s also an ongoing concept that’s in outright contrast to what the COO of Mac-Gray, Phil Emma, said after the acquisition along with Bob Doyle.

“We are very excited to merge with CSC ServiceWorks,” Emma said. “It is a testament to both companies’ ongoing commitment to provide compelling customer solutions to the market.”

But there haven’t been any solutions to the market, Phil! At least not from this customer’s perspective. What we’ve gotten as consumers are rate hikes to satisfy profiteering shareholders and a basic, stripped down laundry service that cuts too much from the bottom end, in turn squeezing every ounce of integrity from the company. And making us filthy, we’re filthy, Phil.

Won’t you please think of the crummy little children running around our unwashed complex? It’s madness. Pure dirt-bucket madness. The ongoing problem can only be remedied with your company’s quick and amending services.

What I’d suggest to Mac-Gray would be to gain integrity back by upholding the values your top executives parade so boastfully in the media. It starts with the simple fix of our Card Value Station here in Denver, CO. From there? Who knows?

The world is Mac-Gray’s oyster and only Mac-Gray can make the decision on whether or not it wishes to truly be the leader in the laundry industry with unparalleled customer satisfaction, or maintain the position as a slum-launderer that allows hard working, tax paying families to go without laundered clothes.

Sincerely,

A tidy-challenged man with little options left but to sulk in refuse until the cleaning cavalry saves the day

Image: Spencer Hill