In Dante’s Divine Comedy, it’s well known that there are nine circles within hell, and each one holds a different punishment depending on the varying degrees of sin that a person has committed on Earth. For instance, the third circle is for Gluttons, with the punishment being freezing rain and snow for all of eternity. The fifth circle is for those unable to control their anger in life. What’s the innermost circle of hell reserved for? That’s easy: It’s reserved for police who think they’re funny and use condescending attitudes and social media posts in a vain attempt to do their jobs for them.

Florida Sheriff Wayne Ivey met this criteria when he posted on Facebook about returning a felonious amount of cannabis to its rightful owner.

“If you happened to have lost or misplaced approximately 770 pounds of high-grade marijuana and would like to have your property returned, please contact our Narcotics Agents and we will be more than happy to reunite you with your lost property,” reads Ivey’s Facebook post. 

This may seem like a saint-like move, but it may be worth pointing out that police are under no obligation to tell you the truth.

If we had to guess, we’d propose that Sheriff Ivey is actually acting immorally and lying. We think that Ivey is purposefully misleading the public and deceiving them in the hopes of making an arrest, and has no actual intention to return the product to its rightful owner.

Ivey’s facebook post continues, “So if the 770 lbs of marijuana belongs to you, all we need you to do is come down to our Criminal Investigative Services building on Gus Hipp Blvd in Rockledge and claim your property with absolutely no strings attached!!  Once we properly identify you as the rightful owner we will gladly return your property and also make sure that both you and your property are kept in a secure area so that no one can try to rip you off!!”

Ivey also posts a weekly video segment to Facebook which he calls “Fishing for Fugitives.” In the videos, Ivey is stationed near a body of water with a fishing pole. What appears to be an intro to a subpar radio hour turns out to be a video where Ivey asks the public to do his job for him by helping to find wanted people in the county.

If you’re thinking that this sounds like the epitome of douchebaggery, well, it absolutely is.

Now may be a great time to point out that the police have no constitutional right to protect you, and that even cops have suggested members of the general public don’t speak to police.

If you or a loved one left 760 pounds of cannabis in a storage locker in Florida, we implore you to not reach out to Ivey and allow his immoral and deceptive antics to pollute your wellbeing.