Breakfast never sounded so sexy …

There's a lot of things you shouldn't put your penis into. Not for morality sake or anything; more for safety and general courtesy.

A few examples:
An undressed mannequin in the sexy section of Kohl's? Not a good idea to put your penis in.
The microwave as it's on the popcorn setting? Stupid idea.
That one tree in the park that kind of looks like Farrah Faucet when you squint a little and tilt your head to the right? Compelling, but not something we'd advise. 

Other people? Hell, so long as they say 'yes' — go for it. 

Others disagree. They say that if you're the same sex, don't put things where they don't belong. One Catholic priest by the name of John Riccardo in particular even compares the act of two men loving each other as shoving breakfast into your ears.

“This is the question which is asked by junior-high kids: Why does God hate gays?” Riccardo said during a meeting of the minds recently in Detroit.

“Here’s the image that I use,” he continues, "what if I just rip open a bagel, I take it, and I cram it in my ear. What would you say?"

He said, the kids respond with: “That doesn’t go there.”

“I say, ‘Exactly. That will ruin your ear canal … '”

Or will it?

So if you're a bit down about yourself now or any time in the near future, keep in mind there are grown men in the world who equate sex as cramming bread into your sound holes.

We're curious, however, if shoving a breakfast baguette into one's ear is like ramming a cock into your bro's ass, then when we are having our morning bagel with schmear, is that like we're giving head?

You've confused the hell out of us, Riccardo — think about what image that's putting into the heads of 10-year-olds …