It’s 2024, and if the undercurrent backchannel subculture whispers hold any truth, it’s sure to be a crazy one here in the US-of-A. It is, after all, an election year. Last time we had one of those it was in 2020 and things weren’t exactly “normal” by any stretch of the definition. We’re also currently juggling conflicts in the Middle East and Eastern Europe, dealing with the rise of artificial intelligence, tripping over global warming milestones, riding out a shaky economy, and stumbling forth into a turbulent and amorphous future. At this point, the only thing that might divert us from this heinous path is an extraterrestrial intervention.


And that may actually be on the table too. 


Anyway, it doesn’t matter whether one looks ahead or in the rearview — conspiracies are everywhere, like swarming bats, swooping down upon us as we try to navigate the warping road ahead. We’ve bought the ticket, ladies and gentlemen. Or perhaps the shadow government bought it for us. Either way, we’re strapped in for the ride wherever it might be headed. 


So what does 2024 hold in store? It’s an unknowable question. But fortunately for you, dear reader, it’s one that Rooster can answer with our famed and prophetic crystal tin-foil ball. That’s right, it’s that time of year for some groundless divination. So come closer, lean in, gaze deep with us into the foil, and observe our conjectured future. 


RFK Jr. is assassinated a la RFK Sr. 


56 years after his father’s run for president, RFK Jr. is trying to finish the job his daddy started. And the Powers That Be might do the same with the Kennedy family. For the unfamiliar: RFK Jr.’s father, RFK Sr., was assassinated during the 1968 presidential campaign by a hypno-programmed MK-Ultra Manchurian candidate assassin acting as the black hand of the CIA. RFK Sr. was the frontrunner in the election that followed the 1963 assassination of his brother, President John F. Kennedy (JFK). Mysterious political executions run in the Kennedy family, you see. And the Kennedy currently running for president is espousing some radical ideas that threaten a time-honored status quo. So if you have a bookie, we’d advise putting your money this election on three Kennedys for three.


Feds stoke violence at political peaceful protests


In 2020, political protests on both sides of the political spectrum were widely infiltrated by federal agents acting as agent provocateurs, turning otherwise peaceful protests into violent riots (et al. Mystery Brick Pallets, Umbrella Man, Ray Epps). It’s an old FBI tactic, but it checks out. And we’ll bet the same Machiavelian scenarios play out again leading up to November’s big political playoff. 


Alien disclosure is hyped up, then forestalled


If you follow this column you know all about whistleblower David Grush and his claims of government UFO crash retrieval and reverse engineering programs; you know about the strange case of Mexico’s Peruvian Nazca alien mummies, and you know about Skinwalker Ranch and the government’s expensive “scientific” relationship with it. Right now there’s a lot of buzz around this topic. But here’s the thing about the government disclosure event we’ve all been waiting for, where we finally get undeniable proof we aren’t alone: It’s always coming tomorrow. Or next week. Or sometime in 2030. It’s a mile marker on the move and only in one direction: deeper into the future. This year will be no different.


Jeffery Epstein’s clients are not disclosed… again


You all know the name, and hopefully, by now you know the story of Jeffery Epstein, the pedophile spy with a perfect blackmail honey-pot operation to film politicians, scientists, world leaders, celebrities, and billionaires banging minors in remote and private locations. When he was at last arrested, the FBI confiscated everything, including computers, hard drives, and detailed records of who flew on his plane, the Lolita Express. They know the identities of those he lured into his sticky web, and have proof of their crimes. And yes, he and his partner in crime, Jizz-Lane Maxwell, have both been silenced (him permanently). But no one else has been punished. Not a single client, besides Prince Andrew, has ever even been named. We predict: that won’t change in 2024. 


Justin Trudeau Finally Exposed as Fidel Castro’s Son


The truth’s been kept quiet for too long. It’s bound to come out eventually, and the foil says this is the year when it’s finally leaked and the world realizes that Margaret Trudeau got frisky with Cuba’s infamous dictator back in the 70s and had a lovechild who grew up to become Prime Minister of Canada, just like his mother’s husband, and that Justin Trudeau is actually a Castro.