For all the times they pushed your coffee cup off the table.
It's time to fight back. Hiding dead animals around your house. Waking up at 4 in the morning to sprint from room to room at top speed. Biting your hand when you try to pet it.
The list of offenses is long, and you need to remind that furry Satan-spawn who really wears the pants around your home. Since cats don't respond to logic or verbal commands, you need to be more subtle. That's where cucumbers come in. Just place one behind your cat when it's eating, and watch the hilarity ensue.
And why the hell are cats and cucumbers mortal enemies? People aren't really sure, but experts have a few guesses. Dr. Roger Mugford, a specialist in animal behavior, told the Telegraph: “I think that the reaction is due to the novelty and unexpectedness of finding an unusual object secretly placed whilst their heads were down in the food bowl.”
John Bradshaw, a cat-behavior expert at the University of Bristol and the author of the book Cat Sense, agrees, saying the “despicable” videos are “an incitement for people to scare their cats and then invite people to laugh at them.”
But really, cats fuck with their owners so often that they totally deserve it. John should chill out.