We put our livers on the line, testing the Internet’s favorite hangover-prevention goodies so you can happily overindulge without needing to dry-hump a toilet bowl the next morning.
We put our livers on the line, testing the Internet’s favorite hangover-prevention goodies so you can happily overindulge without needing to dry-hump a toilet bowl the next morning.
If you’re looking to prevent a bad case of veisalgia (the medical term, derived from the Norwegian word for “uneasiness following debauchery” and the Greek word for “pain”), just down a few of these babies before downing those shots.
Handcrafted right here in Boulder, these tabs promise better living through chemistry and deliver that energy-drink feeling without all the high-fructose corn syrup. And with its eco-friendly packaging, you can be nicer the environment while being still mean to your liver.
Special ingredients: Over 75 plant-based trace minerals, ass-loads of B vitamins, that warm and fuzzy “buy local” feeling.
Cost: $1 per pack.
Dosing: Dissolve one tab in four ounces of water before you rage. Their website even has cocktail recipes like the Podka and the Hot Poddy.
Tastes like: Lemonheads. And you’re only eating them because you’ve reached the end of your trick-or-treating stash.
Makes you feel like: Even your hangover-prevention cures can now be locally sourced. Suck it, hipsters!
Results: PepPod is our three favorite things: cheap, effective and everywhere in Colorado. It didn’t deliver that sugar and caffeine spike/crash cycle of other supplements, and it stopped the lambs from screaming the morning after our hard binge. To quote our favorite penis-shooting cyborg-cop movie from the ‘80s: “I’d buy that for a dollar.” A-.
This cure requires the most effort, suggesting you bring along and drink anywhere from one to eight bottles a night, depending on how big of a lush you are. It’s a great idea, but if we’re going to get busted by the strip club’s bouncer, it’s not gonna be for smuggling outside beverages under our jackets.
Special ingredients: Prickly pear cactus extract, milk thistle and cute spelling errors.
Cost: $5 per bottle.
Dosing: One bottle with every few drinks and one before bed. An easy night out could run you over $15, which is a bit of a turn-off.
Tastes like: Smarties crushed into coconut water.
Makes you feel like: You need to pee. A bunch. Right now. Where’s the bathroom?
Results: Lugging around multiple bottles while you bar hop seems a little unrealistic since we have a hard enough time keeping track of our keys as it is. But it worked well, and if you’re looking for a caffeine-free cure that forces you to hydrate constantly, here you go. B-.
The original shot glass of go-go juice has faced over 90 filings from the FDA and has been linked to more than 13 deaths — but they still rake in over $1 billion every year. They must be doing something right (except for the potential murdering).
Cost: $5 for two mini-bottles.
Special ingredients: Literally 83 days’ worth of vitamin B and an aggressive marketing campaign.
Dosing: One bottle pre-party.
Tastes like: Raspberry-flavored robot jizz.
Makes you feel like: Your heart could stop any minute. You might also experience “niacin flush”: a burning or tingling sensations in the face, chest and red-flushed skin. Sweet. Public embarrassment in a bottle.
Results: It does provide a spike in energy and alertness — which keeps you super-focused through every game of beer pong and help counteract that “sleepy drunk” feeling. But since we used all that energy to take more shots, the extra booze canceled out the hangover-fighting effect. C+.
Known in Australia and most of Europe as a popular hangover buster, Berocca recently arrived stateside under the prudish guise of an “energy support supplement.” Just like your aunt’s “vibrating massage wand,” we all know what it’s really used for. Get real.
Special ingredients: Guarana, caffeine, B vitamins and worldly sensibility.
Cost: $3 for two tablets.
Dosing: Dissolve one tablet in 12 ounces of water before the waterfall of booze hits your lips.
Tastes like: Alka-Seltzer had a three-way with Tang and day-old Sprite.
Makes you feel like: You could mix a few giant cans of Foster’s with a few bottles of Bordeaux and not throw up in the break room the next day.
Results: As we learned after the fact, some of the best hangover-preventing ingredients were cut out from the American blend of Berocca before it came across the pond. While it might be better than nothing, this cure comes in at the bottom of our list. D+.
Made down in Denver, Zaca delivers hangover prevention in the most futuristic way possible (short of downloading it to your Google Glass and absorbing it through your temples): a space-age patch. Since you apply it before you start to drink your feelings away, this method does give an advantage to the forgetful drunkard.
Special ingredients: Prickly pear, milk thistle, lycopene, NAC, magnesium and love for the Broncos.
Cost: $7 for two patches.
Dosing: Apply one patch pre-booze to a “hairless, dry and oil free” area. (This may be potentially challenging for some hairier, damp and oily readers.)
Tastes like: Science.
Makes you feel like: You’re trying to quit smoking. Or on that next-level birth control.
Results: Since hangover patches feel like the real-world equivalent of those “one weird trick to eliminate belly fat” ads, we were skeptical of Zaca — but it actually kept us from feeling worthless the next morning. And since your skin absorbs vitamins throughout the night, you’ll feel perkier mid-bender as well. B+.
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