Usually, when a new disease breaks out down here on planet Earth, it is indiscriminate. It tears through populations, crosses borders with irreverence, and infects or kills people of all races, nationalities, and religions. We’ve seen it happen a few times in our lifetimes: swine flu, bird flu, ebola, and of course, the novel coronavirus.

What’s weird, though, is when a new disease breaks out that is only affecting one specific nationality of people. It’s weirder still when that disease is only affecting US American officials and military personnel abroad.

That would seem less like a natural illness and more like a targeted affliction — like an attack on American citizens, specifically.

And that is exactly what it is. “Havana Syndrome” as it’s become colloquially known, is a condition that has affected hundreds of Americans worldwide and no one else. The victims experience a sudden and excruciating ringing in their ears, more like a shrill, piercing shriek. They get instantaneously nauseous, experience temporary blindness, nausea, confusion, and disorientation. Some suffer permanently from debilitating vertigo and other life-changing side effects. One victim needed hearing aids as a result.

The first recorded cases happened at an embassy in Cuba (hence the name). You might have seen articles suggesting it was a sonic energy weapon attack by the Chinese or Russians — or, maybe you saw the articles assuring everyone that such weapons certainly don’t exist. So what’s the truth?

The problem is, when it comes to something like this, the only news we’re getting from “reputable” mainstream sources is super-filtered, 192-proof CIA propaganda. Turn on CNN or Fox News and you’re essentially accepting a feeding tube of misinformation from US intelligence agencies and ramming it down your throat like Adriana Chechik in Baddies vol. 5.

Anyway, that’s why you come to Rooster Magazine: to get the truth of the matter. We know that. And we take our duties as the only resolved journalists in this country seriously, goddamnit!

That’s why, this month, we’re cracking the nut. Someone had to do it.

So, who was responsible for these attacks? And what were they!? Please securely fasten your tin foil helmets — this might be a bumpy ride.


Was it the Commies??

Naturally, when something like this goes down, the fingers start pointing at America’s greatest adversaries: the Russians and the Chinese. Why wouldn’t they? People aren’t coming down with Havana Syndrome at home. And only US military and government officials are getting it. And it’s well known that the Russians have been developing invisible energy weapons for over 70 years. In 1965, the US government investigated what they’d later call the “Moscow Signal” — microwave bombardment attacks that made diplomats at the US Embassy in Moscow bleed from their eyes and later die of cancer. Could the Russians be at it again? Maybe. But we wouldn’t put it past the Chinese, either.


The fucking CIA

A more sinister possibility is that this isn’t the work of a foreign adversary at all, but of our own government. What better cover to experiment with new super-secret ultrasonic energy weapons than to do so on your own citizens, and even your own soldiers and diplomats, abroad? The CIA is not above running strange and unnatural experiments on the American people. Look up “Operation Midnight Climax” — when the CIA dosed unsuspecting Americans with LSD and watched them bang hookers from behind a one-way mirror — for proof of that.



Look, we aren’t alone out here. That’s a fact of life we’ve all got to grapple with in our own ways. And the strange truth is, many reports from people who’ve had close encounters of the 2nd and 3rd kinds have reported similar symptoms to Havana Syndrome. In 2021 Stanford professor of pathology, Dr. Gary Nolan ran MRIs on people who had encountered UFOs (aka UAPs) and found that they all had distinctive scar tissue in their brains known as “white matter.” And they reported symptoms that were “almost identical” to Havana Syndrome. Could it be the case that this strange and inexplicable disease is the result of an encounter with an alien craft? Of course, it’s possible. But is it likely? Are Americans really that unbearable that extraterrestrials would come across the universe to fuck with us? We'll leave you to draw your own conclusions, there.


Secret Flying Saucers

While we’re on the subject of potentially extraterrestrial interactions, we should probably note that the US government has retrieved a number of UFOs.


Alaska, USA


The US shot down three unidentified flying objects over Alaska, Lake Huron, and Montana. No photos were released, no debris was found, one object dodged a missile fired at it, and the Pentagon admitted they couldn’t honestly classify these things as “balloons.”


Mage, Brazil


A rural village awoke to a bright object zipping around the night sky, followed by military helicopters. It crashed and the military proceeded to swarm the area — including American helicopters.


Juarez, Mexico


A glowing object crashed in Juarez causing total loss of electricity, and disturbances in the voltage, cellular networks, television, and radio signals in most of the city. US Military personnel immediately showed up and retrieved the mysterious object.