We just remembered how much we like to look at Sarah Silverman with our eyes. So here's a bunch of photos of her to gaze at …
Sarah Silverman, that insanely beautiful and gut-wrenchingly hilarious comic, is making headlines again today because most everyone in the media has nothing else to talk about other than a few harmless Tweets and the resulting backlash from irate basement-dwellers.
The one good thing that's come of this nonsense, however, is that we just remembered how much we like to look at Sarah Silverman with our eyes. So here's a bunch of photos of her to gaze at:
MERRY CHRISTMAS! Jesus was gender fluid! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) December 25, 2015
"Some people need Hell. If you’re the type of guy who sees a hooker in an alleyway and instinctively thinks, 'Hey, now there’s something I could rape and kill without any consequences,' then the concept of Hell might really keep you out of trouble."
"Wow! She is amazing. She is 25 years old and she's already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life. It's mind blowing … have you seen Britney's kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see! They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of!"
"I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it."
"I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say"
"People who call themselves divas…you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt."
"I like my life alone. I mean, I love being with friends, and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices."
"Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the '80s or something."
"I was licking jelly off of my boyfriend's penis and all of a sudden I'm thinking, 'Oh My God, I'm turning into my mother!'"
"Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist."
"Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes."
"I still have highs and lows, maybe I don't cry salty tears as much."
"Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping."
"I got jury duty … and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, 'You should write something really really racist on the form when you return it. Like, you should put 'I hate chinks.'' And I said, 'I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty. I don't want people to think that about me.' So instead I wrote, 'I love chinks.' And who doesn't?"
"I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls 'the real way.'"
"I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love. Jesus' words have become so perverted over time — it's been like a game of telephone. If he existed, Jesus would fuckin' kill himself."
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