Screen-reading software.

That's how they do it. That's how blind people get off to porn.

Programs like Jaws, Zoom Text, and Voice Over make it possible for them to hear what we see, transforming the x-rated annals of the internet into easily-searchable soundscapes that function exactly like the sighted web. From there, the whack-off possibilities are limitless — blind people can search for porn, listen to erotica and talk to potential fuck buddies on places like Tinder, Grindr, OkCupid, FetLife and Gluten Free Singles. (Want a demo? Here. It's SFW.)

In fact, there's an entire internet multiverse that caters to porn for the blind. All I had to do to find it was Ask Jeeves "Do blind people watch porn?" and I was instantly e-served with a bounty of sites like Literotica, SoundGasm and even Reddit, all which cater to the blind community by proving prerecorded audio porn read by a suave and sensual narrator who is usually portrayed as the porn's main character —  just like Audiobooks, but slutty.

On many of these sites, you'll find the same content diversity as you would on any smut site for the sighted. Blind people have access to everything from soft-core heavy petting to depraved tales of fantasy filth, with everything in between. One site, an early 2000s-looking Reddit page called r/gonewildaudio, is loaded with files whose titles would make Stifler's mom blush. One, charmingly dubbed "[F4M] Teasing Big Brother [Age] [Incest] [Virginity] [Seduction] [Persuasion] [Impregnation]" is narrated by a young-sounding woman who sensually spins an ultra-filthy tale of consensual incest over a 22-minute time span. And while there are no visuals to illustrate the action, the tone and cadence of her voice carry the intensity of the scene just dandy.

"Omg, this was RIDICULOUSLY hot. Like, one of the best recordings I've ever heard. Good job, little sis! ;D" says one satisfied listener in the comments.

Over in the less incestuous corner, there's r/pillowtalkaudio, a lovey-dovey, dewey-eyed offering that ostensibly melts hearts and wets panties in one fell swoop. I chose to listen to "[F4M] A Five Word Question [Script Fill for u/bevulnerable][Long Distance Relationship][Sweet][Loving][Southern Accent]" because no one's ever had a Southern accent around me without me coming.

However, it's not just blind people that can enjoy this type of pornography. Instead, everyone can — and should — give it a shot.

You can bet your ass I did. And I have to say, I found the experience to be nothing short of revolutionary (thanks, long-distance Southern accent girl).

In a time where we've become desensitized to pornography, blind porn is a shining beacon of light in an otherwise black, and kinda cum-filled void of "been there, jacked off to that." For the blind, this type of erotica is everyday and commonplace. But, to those with the privilege of vision, blind porn is an entirely new, largely uncharted way to experience sex; one I'd argue is even better.

For one, it completely changes the way you interact with, and get off to porn. Most noticeably, it does this by elongating the experience in a way that feels both deliciously foreign and ultra-pleasurable.

Let me explain.

There's so much shame about masturbation in our society that we've trained ourselves to get it over with at lighting-fast speeds. Plus, we're busy. We've got shit to do. We can't spend all day masturbating. So, we shuffle through hundreds of videos in just a few minutes, select one that looks halfway decent, then fast-forward to the part we like before furiously beating or rubbing it. It's rapid, impersonal and ultra-efficient. But it's not that rewarding. It doesn't give us the opportunity to tease ourselves or the time to explore all the pleasurable potential of our bodies.

Blind porn, in its narrative Audiobook-style format, completely flips that habit on its head. Instead of the furious searching and consuming of visual porn, things are so much more drawn out in the world of blind porn, a natural thing that happens when you're listening to someone describe the action, as opposed to being able to see it yourself. It's languorous; slow. You have to actually listen from the beginning to understand the full context of the interaction. This lengthens the time to climax and builds tension along the way. It also gives you time to caress other parts of your body that might go untouched in a typical masturbation session because you're hands-free and not holding a phone.

And sure — if you don't have the patience for that type of slow build, you can skip ahead to the good part … it's just a lot harder to do than with the visual stuff. On a video player, you can see where you're actually fast-forwarding to. On an audio file, you have to listen for it. It takes longer. It's not as intuitive.

Then there's the fact that often, having the ability to see is actually is a detriment to porn.

The man's inexplicably wearing tennis shoes and sunglasses on the back of his head. The way he's fingering that girl looks it would be excruciating. The set is horrendous, spoiling the secret that the scene is even less real than you hoped it would be — it's all fake, and all repulsively over-acted.

You can easily insert your own set of unsavory characteristics here. Everyone has things they're turned off by in porn, and I'd wager a hefty bet that a significant portion of those are how a person or set appears.

Not an issue in the world of blind porn. There you necessarily have to use your imagination to paint a mental image of the action. That image may be literal, as in photographic representations of people, or it may be conceptual through imagining a smell, sound or sensation.

What does that mean for your weekend? That the characters involved in your mental representation of the audio porn can look and act however you want. As opposed to sighted porn, where you get what you get and you have to deal with it, blind porn can be acted out under the terms of your ideal fantasy. That means no sweating bald men with sun tattoos around their bellybuttons.

In this capacity, I'd argue blindness can actually heighten the experience of fantasy.

Speaking of fantasy, here's another thing blind porn does that regular porn can't: pitch-perfectly represent them.

When you have a sexual fantasy that can't be acted out by human beings — say aliens or tentacles or even certain forms of rough sex — porn that attempts to represent it can be woefully under-whelming. For example … if I want to watch Bigfoot have sex with a damsel in distress, I generally have to settle for a man in a Chewbacca costume poking his sad little pink boner out of the fur at an over-done young lady who inexplicably knows how to please a mythical beast. It's just not believable, something that takes you out of the moment. At that point, your only other option for masturbating to fantastic sex is anime or hentai, but that's even less believable — it's like pretending Hey Arnold is an actual human with a real, and medically worrisome football-shaped head.

Yeah, no.

Blind porn, by contrast, allows you to completely deck out your fantasy in any way you want. Because you're not confronted with fake-looking visuals, the fantasy can take place exactly in the way that's most desireable to you, therefore making it more hot and convincing. Bravo.

All that, and shit — there's just something so, so exciting about interacting with sexuality in a new way; in seeing something through someone else's (physiologically non-functional) eyes. And that's exactly what blind porn does — gives you the opportunity to experience porn in a completely new, entirely convincing way. And that's something no "hot new webcam couple" can do.

Try it. Live it. Love it. Thank me later.