Alcoholics and lazy fools of the world, today is your day. That's because Canadian researchers just discovered that a glass of wine could have the same effect of an hour's worth of exercise. Fucking what?! Someone call the liquor store because we're two seconds away from maxing out our credit cards on Malbec.

Alcoholics and lazy fools of the world, today is your day. That's because Canadian researchers just discovered that a glass of wine could have the same effect of an hour's worth of exercise. Fucking what?! Someone call the liquor store because we're two seconds away from maxing out our credit cards on Malbec.

Do you know what this means? We can finally stop threatening to get in shape every New Year's Eve and then spending the entire year looking at running shoes for show while secretly knowing we'll never buy them. There is a god.

But why? Why should we be doing a liquor run instead of any other type of running, ever? Well, one word, inert fatasses: resveratrol.

This magical antioxidant found in red grapes that improves muscle and heart functions via the same mechanisms that drooping over a treadmill like a Dali clock does.

Jason Dyck of the a University of Alberta found that high doses of resveratrol improved physical performance, heart function and muscle strength. And from that, his mind immediately went to the same place ours is: exercise in a pill. 

Although this sounds too god damn deliciously good to be true, Dyck told Science Daily it could help people actually in need, like the disabled.

"I think resveratrol could help patient populations who want to exercise but are physically incapable," he said. "Resveratrol could mimic exercise for them or improve the benefits of the modest amount of exercise that they can do. It is very satisfying to progress from basic research in a lab to testing in people, in a short period of time."

Um … do you guys need volunteers? Because we have these interns …

Anyway, if red wine isn't already your favorite liquid, have Siri schedule a meeting to change that. Scientists have found that, in addition to containing more reservatrol then a reservatrol factory, red wine has a buttload of other health benefits as well.  Studies have shown that it helps cut back the chance of developing cataracts, improves your memory, and decreases your risk of cancer.

But wait! Before you start an intravenous Merlot drip, read this last bit: all of the benefits of red wine are negated once you have more than one, eight ounce glass of it. Once you start getting all Cougar Town and deep throating that 1999 Grenache-Syrah blend like doing it would end world hunger, everything just goes to shit. Bloody hell.

Oh well, we're still gleaning a huge amount of pleasure from the fact that such a small amount of wine equates to such a large amount of exercise.

In other news, we're holding an elliptical-burning party at the gym tonight. Burn in hell, exercise.