On February 23rd, in an interview with the New York Times, Utah’s Senator Mitt Romney explained that he thinks, if Donald Trump runs again in 2024 he will win the Republican nomination. Romney then followed that up by stating that should that happen, he, unlike the rest of Republicans in congress, would not be voting for the Orange Oligarch.

It was a bold move that broke ranks with the majority of his party (most of whom are already salivating at the thought of a second Trump term).

“[I will] not be voting for President Trump again — I haven't voted for him in the past,” Romney said in the interview. “And I would probably be getting behind somebody who I thought more represented the tiny wing of the Republican Party that I represent."

That statement, essentially flagged Romney as a back-stabbing anti-conservative America-hating Judas among his Republican peers in congress. And also, to a lot of the powerful conservatives pulling strings from the shadows…

Predictably, just days later, Romney suffered a “fall” while he was visiting his son and his grandchildren in Boston. Something happened and Romney went down so hard that he blackened his eyes and needed “a lot of stitches,” by his own account.

"I took a fall," Romney, 73, told The Hill, simply. "I took a fall, knocked me unconscious, but I'm doing better."

Romney, refused to say what he was actually doing when he “fell,” but joked with reporters that, "Oh my goodness. I went to CPAC. That was a problem."

All of which is complete bullshit (or “gosh-darn malarkey” as Romney would say). Black eyes and stitches sound less like a fall and more like the kinds of injuries one might sustain if, say, they were paid a visit by paramilitary operatives in the dead of night, dragged screaming out of bed and beaten senselessly in front of their grandchildren until they cried “uncle” and pledged their undying conservative allegiance to Donald J. Trump, the one true and honest president of these United States.

There’s no proof that’s what actually happened, of course. But it’s pretty obvious. Any halfway keen observer couldn’t be fooled by Romney’s godawful Mormon lying skills. The LDS are known for many things, but their abilities for deception are not among them.

All that’s left now is for Romney to reverse his public denouncement of Trump. No doubt we’ll soon see him on CNN or Fox News: black eyes, stitches and all, explaining how wonderful Mr. Trump is, and how he would undoubtedly cast his vote for him should the legend be lucky enough to secure the Republican presidential nomination a second time.

Or, maybe he’ll just keep his mouth shut and goosestep along Party lines, now — lest the mean men in masks return to finish the job…