Nothing warms the human heart faster than a defibrillation machine … but when you don't have one of those, there's always humor! Here are three jokes to prove it, and some extra "Overheards" at the end because we <3 you.

Nothing warms the human heart faster than a defibrillation machine … but when you don't have one of those, there's always humor! Here are three jokes to prove it, and some extra "Overheards" at the end because we <3 you.

Farting for Jewelry

A blonde lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over the display case to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little “whoops” and prays that a sales person wasn't anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a handsome young salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the aplomb one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's. He politely greets the lady with: “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?”

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little indiscretion, she asks: “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?”

He answers: "Madam… if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price.”

Make Out Session

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.

"No!" yells the blonde.

Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"

The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"

Squeaky Clean Joke of the Month

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?

He had locomotives.

Haaa, wasn't that wonderful? Now for an extra bonus: all the bullshit insane things we overheard people say this month. You can thank us later for our immense contribution to society.

Overheards

“You’re so old you did cocaine before midnight and you’re going to bed.”

“You know you can love your grandparents and still have sex with random girls, right?”

“Stop talking. You’re just orally queefing.”

“My therapist and IT guy probably know an equal amount of embarrassing things about me.”

“‘Chill and watch Netflix’ is our generations ‘Want to come upstairs for coffee?’”

“If intercourse is an act of passion, does that mean babies are passionfruit?”