Justing Bieber to Enter Cannabis Industry as Apathy For Modern-Day News Continues to Grow

Justing Bieber to Enter Cannabis Industry as Apathy For Modern-Day News Continues to Grow

Beiber is just another money-hungry rat-faced big name trying to exploit the marijuana industry

CultureOctober 07, 2021 By Marshall Dunham

Just when you thought you couldn’t give less of a shit about the insignificant news events coming out of the nation’s modern-day media, Justin Bieber has announced that he’ll be launching a marijuana product.

According to Reuters, the popstar will work with California-based cannabis company Palms Premium to release “Peaches Pre-Rolls,” or, as the prehistoric geezers at Reuters like to call them, “limited-edition marijuana cigarettes.”

The joints will be available in California, Nevada, Massachusetts and Florida, which means that any godless heathen or seventh-grade girl wanting to smoke on Bieber’s weed will just have to settle for a different celebrity sellout.

Speaking of which, there’s no shortage of celebrities entering the weed game. Wiz Khalifa, Snoop Dogg, Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson and Martha Stewart are just a few of the money-hungry rat-faced big names trying to exploit the marijuana industry and make a quick buck through a drug-dealing game that we’d already mastered by the time we entered high school.

Bieber’s entry into the marijuana industry comes as no surprise—his latest hit song, also called “Peaches” even has him singing that he “gets his weed from California.” 

That’s a pretty good place to get weed, when you think about it. We think a lyric like “I get my weed from El Paso, Texas,” just wouldn’t have the same ring or appeal.

According to the Palms Premium website, the Peaches Pre-Rolls will support the Last Prisoner Project and Veterans Walk and Talk.

It’s a ground-breaking news story, but not the first one this week to completely blow the doors off the American public; yesterday, facebook was down for over five hours and the entire world proceeded to lose its goddamn mind.

There was also a journalistic collaboration revealing the most expansive leak of tax haven files in history, but why would we care about that? Let’s talk about facebook and celebrity cannabis.

Palms Premium hasn’t released the financial details of the partnership, nor have they hinted at any kind of catchphrase or slogan. 

However, if we had to suggest one, we may go with “The perfect strain to use before getting caught street racing, failing a sobriety test, and getting charged with resisting arrest in Miami Beach.”

What, you don’t remember that? It’s true. Beiber got arrested for inebriated street racing in 2014, James Franco recently settled a class-action lawsuit involving sexual misconduct, and both Paula Deen and Roseanne Barr lost show business deals due to using racial slurs. Your entire view of celebrities and Hollywood is skewed through a myopic lens of what large companies want you to believe, and you should probably get off the internet and go outside.