Yeezus has delivered some fine words of wisdom in his time, which makes a lot of sense. How else do you think he got to be called “Everyone’s fourth favorite Jesus impersonator?” You’ve gotta be smart to get that far, and that’s why we’re sharing a few of his most sensible quotes with you, right here, right now. Internalize them, use them to become a better person, and maybe one day you’ll father one of Kim Kardashian’s babies too.

Yeezus has delivered some fine words of wisdom in his time, which makes a lot of sense. How else do you think he got to be called “Everyone’s fourth favorite Jesus impersonator?” You’ve gotta be smart to get that far, and that’s why we’re sharing a few of his most sensible quotes with you, right here, right now. Internalize them, use them to become a better person, and maybe one day you’ll father one of Kim Kardashian’s babies too.

Ask, and you shall receive
“What do I have to do to get a simple Persian rug with cherub imagery?”
– Personal Twitter

Lesson Learned: Got your mind on something fancy, like a floor mat with naked obese babies on it, but don’t have the means to afford it? Just ask the universe or your daddy for it; then sit back, relax, and watch as the power of your intention brings the object of your desire to your doorstep. Having a clear intention will help you align your goals with attaining what you want in life, and it’ll serve as a compass for the paths you take. And to answer Kanye’s question, all he has to is visit www.rugs.com on his tablet or smartphone for a huge selection persian rugs at affordable prices!

Turn water into wine
“Some people call it a rant. I call it a visionary stream of consciousness.”
– The Russ Parr Morning Show

Lesson Learned: If you don’t like what they’re saying, change the conversation. In other words, take something that isn’t so great, and call it something that is. Example time: People are calling you a wonderslut because you slept with your married boss. Don’t like the term “wonderslut?” Rebrand yourself as a “boss de-stresser.” That’s right, your sexual liaison is the only thing that’s keeping him from cutting everyone’s salaries in a fit of workplace stress and low blood sugar. You’re a hero, yes you are!

Take responsibility for what’s yours
“I hate when I’m on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh, great, now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle.”
– Personal Twitter

Lesson Learned: It’s tough putting your own interests and desires aside in the name of your responsibilities, but little Timmy needs a dad, and according to this paternity test, you donated 23 of your chromosomes to creating the little fucktrophy.

Compliments go a long way
“I'm Walt [Disney], I'm like Howard Hughes, I'm David Stern, I'm like Steve Jobs. If anything that's a compliment to them. I'm like Michaelangelo. 'Cause I'm the new version of that. Who ever backs me is the Medici family.”
– The Breakfast Club on New York’s Power 105.1

Lesson Learned: What’s nicer for deceased inventor of Apple Steve Jobs to hear than that he is like an out-of-date version of a man who invented leather jogging pants? Exactly. Complementing your peers will take you straight to the top, because it makes you look both perceptive and caring, two qualities that every person who eventually steals the mic from Taylor Swift must possess to get away with it.

Know how to make fun of yourself
“How bout us as a people? We can't do it on our own. We have to understand that we are not each other's enemy. Let's push forward as a civilization. We are so jacked up on our own egos and so misguided by mainstream marketing we don't even know what’s real.”
– Interview with BBC's Radio 1's Zane Lowe

Lesson Learned: Irony is a beautiful thing, because it leads to laughter and occasionally confused laughter. Here, Kanye shows his mastery over ironic concepts by jokingly suggesting the human ego gets in the way of what’s real during the same interview in which he suggested that he was a god. Such a joker, that Kanye. It’s that kind of self-aware sense of humor that will win you friends in this world.

Take some “me-time” every now and then
“Well I spend more time watching porn and praying about it afterwards. Then I’ll put on some Louis Vuitton and leave.”
– Interview with Radio 1's Tim Westwood

Lesson Learned: Studies have shown frequent masturbation reduces stress, helps you sleep, boosts your immune system and reduces the risk of both prostate cancer and urinary tract infections. Imagine how much of a better, more efficient person you’d be if you were relaxed, energized and not having to schedule a follow-up appointment with your proctologist.

Be grateful for what you have
“All barbershops, fashion designers, architects, corner stores, Wall Street … all over the world … y’all acting like (Kim Kardashian) ain’t the most beautiful woman of all time … I’m talking about, arguably, of human existence, the top 10 of human existence.”
–  Hot 97's The Angie Martinez Show

Lesson Learned: All the barbershops and architects may not appreciate what you’ve got, but if you’ve got it, it’s yours, and you worked hard to get it. Unless we’re talking about syphilis, an appreciation for what you have will make life seem fuller, richer and calmer. Studies have also shown that practicing gratitude and appreciation for the things in life that are yours makes you healthier and happier, even if that thing made a sex tape with Ray J a few years back.

Keep in touch with your inner child
“I’m forever the 35-year-old 5-year-old. I’m the 5-year-old of something.”
– Interview with Jon Caramanica for the New York Times

Lesson Learned: The greatest thing about being a kid is the unbridled creativity and energy you get from your naive ignorance of how rough the world can be. People tell you, you can be whatever you want when you grow up, and you believe them. You have lofty hopes and dreams that you’re sure you can achieve. You think of the craziest, coolest shit because the weight of logic hasn’t settled on you yet. Don’t lose that just because you’re a 25-year-old working at a frozen yogurt place where all the cool kids from the local high school hang out. Stay in touch with your inner five-year-old, and one day, you too can fight Jimmy Kimmel over Twitter.

Let the tears flow
“Sometimes I get emotional over fonts.”
– Personal Twitter

Lesson Learned: It’s better to go through life feeling the ebb and flow of your emotions than to go through life feeling nothing at all. Emotions are part of the human experience, and they connect us to ourselves and others more than any other personal ability. Emotions are you, and when you allow yourself to feel them, you become more of yourself; suppressing them just makes you a mold of what someone else feels comfortable with. So if you see that your coworker has put up a sign that says “STOP EATING MY FUCKING LUNCH OUT OF THE FRIDGE” in Comic Sans, let the tears flow. We can guarantee you next time she’ll use Arial like a true passive-aggressive asshole.

Give in to gluten
“Hurry up with my damn croissants.”
– Lyric from “I am God” by Kanye West

Lesson Learned: Today’s world is full of diets, food allergies and people who repress their desire to fill their faces with bread, cheesy bread, cheesy bread in a triangle, bread in the form of pasta or, in Kanye’s case, bread shaped like a crescent. But, like Kanye implies, life is too short to give up the things you crave. Live for today, because if you restrict yourself too much, you could die tomorrow without having tasted the sweet sin of a Cinnabon or the sadness-tinged glory of an entire pizza. Extrapolate this metaphor to other areas of your life yourself; we can’t hold your hand like mommy did all the time, OK?

Realize your own power
“It's about whatever I want it to be about. This is my world.”
– September 24, BBC Radio 1's Zane Lowe

Lesson Learned: Everything is about you. It sounds selfish, but it’s true. You see the world through your own eyes, and to you, the world has it’s own subjective meaning. And because it’s entirely yours, you can make it into whatever your little heart desires. You control your own destiny, just like Kanye controls his. The only thing neither of you can control is James Franco and Seth Rogen, who will parody your ridiculous music videos, naked. Those dudes are nuts.