"Thanks for cutting me off like my Dad's insurance company!"

Now that more millennials than ever are on the roads — driving around going between coffee shops and the Apple store — it's important that we imbue them with their own, updated lingo lest they make the abominable faux pas of using vintage driving insults, which is un-lit.

If you're a millennial, scream these when the situation fits:

1. "I'm gonna fuck your ass with my ass! Right after we have an open and honest conversation about the increasing prevalence of heterosexual anal play and what that means for feminist ideals today on Reddit!"

2. "You drive slower than it takes to load an Instagram video on fucking 3G!"

3. "K!"

4. "If you're gonna ride my ass, then at least apply some Fair Trade Certified Organic Coconut Oil Lubricant to it first! Not tested on animals!"

5. "Driving and texting, huh? Same!"

6. "Thanks for cutting me off like my Dad's insurance company!"


8. "You're acting like the gas pedal is harder to find than a post-graduate job on Indeed.com!"

9. "If you're gonna look at your phone and drive, you might as well check out my blog, www.TrevorHasADJNight.tumblr.com/vintagevinylfromTarget!"

10. "Can I have your HBO GO® password?!"