If you truly believe that Mac Sabbath is nothing more than a parody band, then it’s clear Monsanto has chemicalized your brain to the point of being unable to accept our current food-based reality and its grim truths.

Mac Sabbath is so much more. In fact, I would go so far as to call them modern-day prophets.

And for those of us who call Colorado home, we’ve been given the privilege to witness this heavy metal-laden truth during their upcoming “10 Year Anniversary Tour” stops at The Summit in Denver on August 15th, and The Black Sheep in Colorado Springs on August 16th.

Sure, band members Ronald Osbourne (vocals), Slayer MacCheese (guitar), Grimalice (bass), and The Catburglar (drums) may look like relics from a “Happier-Mealier” time in our childhood. Also, their use of Black Sabbath’s music as the base to support their message throws us back into a much simpler era of American history as well. However, like the trans fats used to fry the golden, deliciously crisp pillows of pink slime we call nuggies, Mac Sabbath hides a deeper truth.

Since Osbourne’s trip through the time-space dilation has prevented him from accepting any modern form of communication like cell phones—more on that in a minute—I asked their spokesman “Mike The Manager” if my assertion that Osbourne is a modern-day prophet was true during a recent conversation.

“It’s pretty darn accurate,” he agreed. He then began to break down the deeper meaning of Osbourne’s lyrics. “[They’re about] government food control and purposed poisoning by the US specifically. Which is really eye-opening when you look at a lot of the stuff they get away with in the US and they don’t in other countries, and just how the FDA is a complete sham.”

With songs like “Frying Pan” warning about a future where all processed meat is born from the aforementioned pink slime, and “Pair-A-Buns” examining the dangers of mad cow disease, Osbourne has chosen some pretty heavy topics to examine. Topics that have also been explored by Gen X/Millennial “super-genius” Bill Nye the Science Guy.

If you’ve followed Billy for a while now, there are two things you’re fully aware of. The first is that he supports GMOs. The second is that the music he’s featured on his TV shows—like the song “Blood Stream,” an educational parody of the B-52s “Love Shack”—is total garbage. Because Mac Sabbath’s music is infinitely better, I fervently believe that they are a much more trustworthy source for this kind of information. When I mentioned this to Mike, he felt my theory was only half the story.

“Although efforts have been made along the way for [Mac Sabbath] to do these sort of, corporate gigs and big-time television things, at the last minute, they get pulled away. And that’s because whenever you’re looking at something [like] mainstream television, it’s all controlled by government and government-corporate collusion. Just when you think you’re going to be on [something huge], somebody figures it out at the last minute and it’s canceled. So, old Bill Nye has got to do what he’s got to do because he doesn’t have a choice.”

Knowing this, it seems that from now on, we should call him Bill Nye the Science LIE.

Now, when you combine such strong lyrical views with a statement like Mike’s, some might worry that the Mac Sabbath stage show will come off as incredibly preachy.

To those who share this worry, I have this to say: look at the cover photo of this article, put down the bong for a minute, and I promise that by the time you get done reading about the great war between Ronald Osbourne and Burger King Diamond, everything will make sense.

Mac Sabbath came about when Ronald Osbourne was transported through a space-time dilation and was utterly horrified by the food-based dystopian world he saw. To him, our overconsumption of frankenfoods was like an “Anti-Hunger Games” … yet just as horrific.

Though Mike wasn’t exactly sure how time dilation works, he said that “[Osbourne] insists that he exists in the time realm of the 70s, and so there’s no technology that’s acceptable to him and that just angers him … and then you end up with a pie in your face. He’s insisting that he’s existing in that plane and traveling somehow through the time-space continuum.”

Mike also stated that this continuum has allowed for a number of Osbourne’s enemies to emerge, “enemies like Iggy Popeyes, CinnaBon Jovi, and Burger King Diamond; who actually ended up popping up at a show in Ohio singing with an opening band unannounced.” Though I don’t know the exact outcome of this confrontation, from what I understand nobody in attendance that night was able to look any drive-thru employee worker in the eye for many weeks afterward.

This led me to ask about the tour and if Burger King Diamond may rear his ugly head in Colorado.

Though Mike wouldn’t go into the specific elements of what you’ll see during the Mac Sabbath 10 Year Anniversary Tour—he opposes spoilers in all forms—he wanted to make it clear that it’s possibly the best show you are going to see all year. “[The show] is going to be way more elaborate, and [have] way more of a storyline, way more ‘bring you in,’ and way more visual candy. All the senses being tingled, way more than any rock band can achieve on this level or this size.”

When he explained that “[The show] is more like a performance art thing, where the theatrics you’re going to see and be involved with directly are more on a creative/art level,” I understood. Having seen some of their performances on YouTube, I told Mike that the brilliance behind what Mac Sabbath does visually is only comparable to the genius put forth by a legend like Yoko Ono. This was a comparison he didn’t refute.

To help further the immersive quality found in the band’s presentation, they recently released a pop-up book called “Drive Thru Metal.” The collaboration with Gris Grimly is “the only one in its existence” per Mike and is replete with goodies. From full-color pop-up pages to a record that contains seven of their classics, along with “secrets and Easter eggs all involved with Mac Sabbath,” it is a complete assault on the senses.

And yes, it will be available throughout the tour; including the Colorado shows.

I believe the shows in Denver on the 15th and Colorado Springs on the 16th have the ability to effectively change the lives of those who attend. I hold no doubt the combination of somber messaging backed by kick-ass heavy metal music, coupled with a visual display that only a technologically deficient insane clown and his band of misfit creatures can present, will lead to something touching you deep inside.

Well, that and maybe CinnaBon Jovi if he’s around … I heard he’s a creeper.