I am 5’6. Does height really matter?

If you’re not rich… yes. We all have our shortcomings (pun intended) and money seems to be the great equalizer. Not sure exactly how the measurements pan out on this, but I think for every comma in your bank account, you get another free pass on what society deems a physical set back. It’s gross but true. You could be one giant eye ball with legs but if you have a private island, you’ll never ride your jet ski alone. Now get out there and make that dough! 


Should I move back home until the pandemic is over?

If it saves you money and keeps you safe, absolutely. There’s no point in living in a hip part of town and paying rent if everything is closed. You can watch Netflix from anywhere, might as well do it on your parents couch. 


Does the world really need an advice column written by a man right now? 

Great question! The answer: Absolutely not, but here we are! 


I’m currently going through a divorce, should I keep my soon to be ex’s last name? I like it more than my maiden name.

Of course! You can do whatever you want. You can change your first name if that excites you! Rediscover yourself. Join a book club, start a biker gang, get really into horses or wine! The world is your oyster! Live it up! 


How much time is too much time in social media? 

This is something we all struggle with. It solely depends on what you’re using it for. Are you spending endless hours “doom scrolling?” Does it make you feel like garbage? Scale it back. I try and treat social media like the bank, I get in – get out and try to interact with as few people as possible. I do however spend a ridiculous amount of time looking up chili recipes on Pinterest but it feels productive so adjust accordingly.


I wasn’t aware that “fine” and “cute” are adjectives girls don’t like when they ask how they look. What are some adjectives I can use that won’t get me in trouble?

Well, first and foremost I think they hate being referred to as “girls.” Although pronouns are an individual preference, so what do I know? I think the problem with “fine” and “cute” is that they’re lazy and unimaginative. Try and use language that is more dazzling. “Stunning”, “Dynamite” & “Fierce” are a good starting point. If you need help, go to Target and read the all adjectives they put on coffee mugs. 


Mike Knows Best:

“Heads up! We built a snowman on the lawn and now our landlord is charging us for another tenant.”