Life advice from comedian Mike Stanley.

Why do women love Target so much? 

I too am baffled by this. I actually did some research on this to find out what’s behind it and after taking a short poll from female friends I’m even more confused. I got answers that ranged anywhere from the makeup lines they carry to ‘they have a Starbucks.’ 

One woman said something I found pretty hilarious, that it’s the perfect store because she can say she’s going to Target to grab milk and she’s not lying while also shopping for makeup. If she were to say she was just shopping for makeup it would be ‘an issue.’ 

So it’s basically a front to buy shit you want, while also grabbing things you need. The most interesting thing I found about this is that not only do women love Target, they love ‘their Target.’ As in, they’re location loyal. They don’t tread on someone else’s Target. 

One woman said she got pissed when she ran into her cousin at her target. ‘What the fuck is she doing at my Target? She has her own on her side of town!’ That’s a direct quote. These turf wars are real, ya’ll! It’s mean out in them streets! 

I’d just like to state that this whole thing is insane.  

What’s an acceptable amount of time for a woman to get ready? 

As someone who is perpetually late, I’d say anywhere from 7 to 12 minutes if you have somewhere to be. My gal owns a boutique and loves fashion, so she’ll try on no less than 77 outfits — or combinations of — before we go anywhere which, in all honesty, doesn’t bother me because I get to sit on the couch, watch Netflix and tweet while simultaneously being hit with an intermittent runway show. 

It’s pretty great considering I probably I don’t want to leave and go out anyway. The only time I think it matters, at least to me, is if we’re hitting a movie. If I miss the previews I go full HUUULK

What kind of psychopath is okay with missing the previews? Pull it together!