Holy sweet Mary and her clutch apostles! We wouldn’t have believed it had we not seen it with our own eyes. Sure, an alleged child molester who thinks the world is a few thousand years old almost made it back into the Senate, but damned if Alabama didn’t show up and cut that cord right at the navel. Cheers to the Yellowhammer State — you earned a few shots.

Weed-Infused Rosé
It was bound to happen sooner or later. This month, California’s Rebel Coast Winery will begin selling weed-infused rosé — a concoction that contains no alcohol yet 4 milligrams of THC per serving. Depending on how it’s received, we’ll (gladly) begin to see this kind of thing the norm in legal states nationwide. 

YouTube Stars
You know, these kids aren’t so bad after all. Honestly, America needs a break from the overpaid asshats that think the world of themselves. And replacing them with normal people who can just as easily be ignored — we call that a win. 

Kink Apps
New downloads have been popping up recently that allow for people to explore their inner perv. Apps like Whiplr, BDSM Master, KNKI and KinkD offer everything from kinky dating to BDSM tutorials. It’s a way to jump on the bandwagon before everyone else ties themselves to it.

Simply put, it’s the act of holding on to a booty while actively searching for another rear. It’s messed up, and leaves a trail of tears in its wake. If you or someone you know is inflicted with the cushioning virus, knock it off, coward. Just cut ties and move on.

T-Shirt Politics
Oh, good, you’re #resisting something by ferociously re-tweeting misspelled rants and want everyone in your hive-minded inner-circle to know about it — cool shirt, bro. Far be it from us to tell anyone what to wear, but, it’s not like we can’t openly judge you for being that person when you do.

Speaking of just being pissed off all the time, can we make 2018 any more peaceful than what the past few years have been? You really need to get mad at a mom for dyeing her child’s hair? Or insult some 18-year-old who likes to hunt? Three words: Get Over It. You’re harming yourself being so negative more than you realize.

[cover photo: Chummy Tees]