Your future is easy, it's just like the past only with better presents.


Happy Birthday, Scorpio! You are feeling powerful, so scream it out to the world! You are in control. Be careful, though, that you don’t fall prey to micromanaging your own life. Your sexuality is also reaching new heights, but that may be a double-edged sword. You’ll want to indulge your libido, which will skew the balance for most everything else. Are you capable of restraint? If you’re searching for a new career, perform your due diligence. 


Family is incredibly important to you, but you might be allowing your emotions to run away with your common sense. This refers to your perceptions, also. Size really DOESN’T matter, it’s the experience that counts. Stop being judgmental and get over yourself. Aim for stability, not emotions. Making promises you can’t keep will be a side effect of this period. Restraint, restraint, restraint. Not everything must be the height of entertainment in your world. 


Sometimes life is coming up roses, sometimes you feel like you’re a few inches short of perfect. Don’t let this bother you. Don’t latch onto every perceived inadequacy as a weapon for your ego to bludgeon your soul to a pulp. Your focus should be on career, which is exactly what you prefer. While you have the strength to change situations, getting into a fight in your local coffee house will do you more harm than good. 


You probably shouldn’t tell everybody about your non-existent significant other. Though it’s uncomfortable when your friends make fun of you for being single, creating a fake partner is not the answer. To get your mind off it, focus on your career instead. It’s time to add some influential people to your network. Your idea of career is rapidly changing and there will be a status upgrade for you soon. Remember: it’s all about the Benjamins! 


So, you decided to be more awesome next year? It’s an admirable goal with a lot of intelligence and depth, but keep your shirt on. You’re embarrassing yourself with your fish-white complexion, and stealing your own thunder. It’s best to go about achieving awesomeness quietly and with tenacity. Then surprise the shit out of everyone when you reveal the new you! They may be blinded by your stunning new self…but then again, maybe they’ll all just laugh at you. 

ARIES (MAR 21-APR 19):

It’s time to get moving, you slob. You can’t just sit there and watch TV all day. It’s time to run…and not just away from responsibilities. Instead, run your mouth (your favorite activity), run to the library, run a corrupt political campaign. You’ll excel no matter what you choose. Career and personal achievements are important to you now. You may be forced to make compromises and build a consensus, which you despise (because you’re always right). 


Your inner strength is legendary, except when it comes to spending money on shiny baubles you simply must have. It’s a weakness that you try to cover up with stubbornness, but nobody’s buying it (so to speak). Thankfully, your earnings will increase this month to help pay those pesky bills, augmented by your social contacts. Just remember: Facebook “friends” are not real friends. They care nothing for you and will only make you miserable. 


You hate hearing it, but it’s time to straighten up and fly right. Right now, professional growth is more important than staying out all night partying. Booooring. Yet you must decide what your priorities are instead of flitting from place to place like a hummingbird. Don’t allow others to knock you off course. Social grace will help achieve your goals. You should expect some turbulence as you proceed. If anyone can overcome trouble, it’s you. 


The most important rule in your life right now is: Never return to the scene of the crime. For you, the crime is your inability to show affection to others easily and unconditionally. You demand quid pro quo. Emotional blackmail is a gift for you, but that doesn’t mean you have to exercise it. You’re quite active socially this month, and your personal charm is captivating. Use it wisely so as not to alienate everyone. 

LEO (JUL 23-AUG 22):

Leos are known for playing devil’s advocate, which is exactly how you roll this month. Don’t accept the status quo for any reason; question everything. Embrace your inherent contrariness, own it without placing blame on others. There are conflicts at home now, and it’s up to you to manage them with panache. It’s not all about “me me me” for a change. How in the world are you going to survive? 

VIRGO (AUG 23-SEP 22):

You suck at keeping secrets, as you feel that your virtue depends on being completely transparent. Perhaps you can be more like fellow Virgoan Colonel Sanders: he kept his secret recipe secret for decades! It’s time to stop all that people-pleasin’ and get on with your life. Your focus is on family and emotional stability for you, and that might mean keeping secrets from your loved ones. Suck it up, cupcake! 

LIBRA (SEP 23-OCT 22):

You’ve been cheating, Libra. Shame on you! And while we’re on the topic of your infidelity, everyone is sick and tired of you running to the internet when you need to learn about the birds and bees. What can Faceborg or Googly teach you that someone else can’t? It’s time to show faith in your fellow humans so that you might just have a better month. Establish harmony, especially at home. This will improve your emotional strength, which you’re going to need.