This is that day Bryan Elrod is going to look back on for a very long time …
If you're ever sitting around one day trying to make sense of the world, thinking there's a grotesque lack of justice and that good people will always come in second to pure evil — remember this story of Colorado resident Bryan James Elrod, a 42-year-old fuckwad that recently got exactly what was coming to him.
Imagine for a moment you're Mr. Elrod, a person with an extensive criminal history that includes things like fraud, theft, forgery, reckless endangerment, assault, DUI, escape from custody, shoplifting and probation and parole violations. You find yourself out one day, hungry, and decide on a phat Italian meal direct from Old Chicago in Boulder, CO, where you'd just like to "Eat. Drink. Be Yourself." You're broke, however, because you're out on parole, can't find a job and don't earn an honest living like most people. It doesn't really matter to you how many dollars are in your pocket though, because you're a shit-stain and don't plan on paying your $37.81 bill anyways.
So you sit down, eat your meal and cruise unsavory websites on your cell phone while you pretend life is something that should just be given to you because of whatever unfounded entitlement you've been afflicted with since youth. You bail on the tab — but because you're a fucking moron, leave your phone behind in the process. This short lapse of judgment is only the beginning of your shitty day though, because remember, you're worthless and are about to get exactly what's coming to you.
Remember those unsavory websites you've been enjoying while out on parole? They're drenched in child pornography, a hobby you enjoy because you're able to screenshot and download all of the photos you want to get your hands on. Problem is, when you left your phone, the good people of Old Chicago scooped it up and notified the authorities who found over 200 photos of child pornography on your phone of kids ranging from toddlers to pre-teens. Now not only are you in trouble for skipping parole, bailing on a tab and just being a general nuisance to the world at large — you're now also a child molester (or as prison inmates will call you, a "chomo") and a marked man facing street justice when you go back into general population.
This is going to be one of those days Bryan Elrod looks back on for decades to come while he stares blankly at barren walls, contemplating where exactly he went wrong in life. You? You're not him, and you're going to be fine. Sometimes true justice is out there after all — karma's a bitch …
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